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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/BadOk7232 on 2023-09-26 08:58:42.
My sister (22F) is getting married. She was talking our mom and me about her wedding and she was saying her dad would be there. Mom and her dad were together from the time I was a baby until I was 8. He was horrifically cruel to me for years and hated me for being mom’s kid with someone else even though he started dating a single mom. For years it was done behind my mom’s back but when I told her what was happening and she confronted him, he showed everyone around how disgusting he was to me. He left me with a lot of issues. I had no dad and he was as close as I had and he made it very clear he would never want to be my anything dad. Mom divorced him and there was a custody dispute because mom didn’t want him turning my sister against me. My sister saw her dad every other weekend but she also needed to be in therapy for years because the court agreed there was a risk that he would try to poison our relationship. He also needed to stay far away from me. The last time I saw him I was 14 and he showed up to pick up my sister when he wasn’t supposed to and I was home alone for a couple of hours. He was just as cruel to me at the door that time as he was when he was married to my mom. He accused me of destroying my sister’s family and being poison. When mom came home with my sister they found me crying and distraught and struggling.
I have had extensive therapy from the age of 8. It hasn’t been ongoing every week since I was 8. But I needed a lot of help and still have some hang ups from everything.
I cannot be around that man.
But my sister loves her dad and wants her there so after she told us about this and I know the wedding is happening in March, I told my sister that I could not go. She begged me not to do that and said she could just keep me away from her dad or maybe she could even get him to apologize. I told her that he destroyed me and I cannot be around him again. She asked me to love her more than I hate her dad. I said it’s not even hate. It’s trauma. He tormented a little girl for simply not being his when he married mom knowing she had me. I told her that the man used to wish a child dead for simply existing in a way he didn’t like.
Mom told my sister that she needed to respect the fact her dad had done so much harm and it was not something I could just get over. My sister cried that she loves me and her dad and she doesn’t want to have one not be there on her big day. Mom said if I was a minor she would have made the choice for me and would have done the same thing.
My sister got mad and started to say I needed to let it go and why can’t I just accept she loves him.
AITA?