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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Comprehensive_You520 on 2023-09-26 02:39:22.
I am a 38 yr old female engaged to a 39 year old man. We have recently begun discussing finances for our marriage.
I need to know if I am in the wrong here as this has now become a great source of strain for us. Our approaches to our marital assets differ slightly. To provide some background - I have a child from a prior relationship and a sick mother. He has two children from prior relationships. There is a disparity in our earnings with me earning about 5 times more than my fiancé. This has never been an issue to me before and I am hopeful that we can grow together.
My partner would like to pool all earnings into one shared account from which we cover all household expenses. I am in agreement with this but have additionally proposed that we maintain separate and independent accounts to which 10% of our earnings go. This is for several reasons (autonomy, surprises, individual needs) but to primarily maintain some independence financially. We both have lost a lot in prior relationships and while I don’t want to go into a marriage planning for the worst l think it’s wise to be prepared as we have significant responsibilities.
My fiancé believes that this conveys a lack of commitment on my part and has told me that this is indicative of my readiness for marriage.
I feel heartbroken that he is suggesting delaying marriage because of this. As we are both at a sort of impasse he has proposed we flip a coin to determine an approach. I am not comfortable flipping a coin on such a big aspect of our life. As a result, he has now accused me of being uncompromising.
Am I being inflexible or unreasonable?