This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/HibiscusandRose on 2023-09-26 00:19:34.
A little brief background: I (31F) have a senior colleague (F50s?) who has been always condescending, rude, and sometimes very callous towards me even though I try to keep things minimal and professionally related. For example, my dog just passed away and she made a remark that “he was just a dog” and to get over it.
(Side notes: (1) She interrupted a personal convo between me and a close colleague in a private room as I started to sob and needed privacy. I was not loud FYI. The room has glass windows and she happened to be passing why and stuck her head into the door. (2) My workplace is toxic and I am looking for other jobs right now - this was the final straw.)
Today, I was having cheese tteokbokki as a comfort meal - my go-to for when I am feeling heartbroken. She just arrived to the staff lounge and I saw her side-eyeing me, and said to my face “ethnic food is so smelly” and asked me to never bring (ethnic) food again. Although I am not Korean or Korean American, I am a WOC and an immigrant so it rubbed me the wrong way and I told her that what she said was offensive.
She started to cry and I was told by another colleague I should have been kinder. AITA? Keep in mind that I do understand some people are sensitive or allergic to aromas. What bothered me is that she was talking about how “ethnic food is smelly” and telling me to not bring it anymore. It feels controlling. Apologies for any grammatical, format, and spelling mistakes on my end. Thank you for reading.
ETA: We are a small company so no HR (unforunately…) and I have attempted various times on incidents, including her telling me to get over my dog who crossed the Rainbow Bridge recently, but they believe in the whole “we are a huge family” and turn a blind eye. It is one of the biggest reasons why I want to leave. However, I have been documenting what she’s doing and have considered posting on Glassdoor and similar.
ETA2: I was DMed to tell this point. I am one of the few people of color working there. Since starting to work more closely together (before it was limited interactions yet still awful ones), it has gotten worse where she has made many various remarks towards me, including microaggressive. I wasn’t going to mention due to character limit and whatnot but I realize it is another huge reason why I it bothered me.
TLDR: An older and senior colleague told me that my “ethnic food” is smelly and not to bring it anymore, but I told her that sounds offensive. A part of me wants to report it (despite the fact my workplace is meh) but a part of me, due to feeling like she has always been a certain way towards me may be biased towards her.