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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Queasy_Swimmer on 2023-09-25 03:17:12.
TW: discussion of sexual coercion, possible abuse
A lifelong female friend of mine has been married for several years and the details she’s shared continue to concern me. This guy is insanely jealous, constantly accusing her of cheating, whether she takes too long on an errand or gets a UTI. She makes more money than him but he makes all the financial decisions. The major area of concern is sex though. Over the years she has confided in me that he has put bruises on her during sex, expects anal sex, which my friend has never been into, and recently badgered her to let him take pics of her engaging in sex acts with her. His sex drive is super high-he and expects it sometimes twice daily. Any refusal or explanation from her about menopausal effects on her sexual desire causes him to pout and guilt her. My friend is a wonderful, intelligent, caring woman who has unfortunately settled for way less than she deserves. She complains about him but then ends up making excuses and assuring me he says he’ll be better. Obviously I know I have no control over her life and can only be a good friend. I have expressed that this is sexual coercion and possible abuse. Honestly, hearing about it makes me feel triggered to some of my own past experiences. How can I be here for my friend but still continue to express that this is not okay? Is it appropriate/selfish at some point to tell her that I can’t continue to be on the emotional roller coaster ride of her telling me this stuff and then making excuses and minimizing his behavior afterwards? I appreciate anyone’s perspective.