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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/GlitteringMud9950 on 2023-09-24 22:48:16.

My 40f, daughter, 22f, Rita is pregnant, she’s almost 20 weeks and she just told me a few days ago. Rita moved back in with me and my husband (her stepdad) when the place she was renting with her bf 22m, and a former roommate fell through. Rita and her bf are still together and decided to keep the baby. The bf lives about an hour and a half away.

Anyhow, Rita does absolutely nothing. She doesn’t work or go to school. She’ll watch TV until 5-6am then sleep until 1-2pm most days. Only cleans her room when I tell her to. Doesn’t wash dishes or her laundry, nor does she take out the trash. When I try to talk to her she starts crying and screaming that I hate her and I’m trying to stress her out and she can’t deal with it. (My other young adult kid is in college full time and works part time. They were raised with the same rules and expectations.)

I tried telling Rita she’s having a baby soon and she needs to grow up. Cue more crying and screaming. She literally throws herself on the floor and sobs. That she needs to get her act together to take care of the baby and try to be a decent parent. That the baby is hers, not mine and her and her bf responsibility to raise and provide for. That she needs to go to school or work or both and apply for daycare vouchers and any assistance she can. That she needs to pull her head out of the sand and actually do something with her life. (I had kids young, but I also went to school part time for several years to achieve my goals.)

These conversations always end with Rita on the floor, crying, screaming and basically throwing a tantrum. The only time she does anything is when either I force her to or her bf picks her up. Other than that, she’ll go 4-5 days without showering or changing clothes. I’ve told her that has to stop. I love her but I’m not raising her baby or taking care of her like a child. She knows what’s right and expected of her. Rita says I’m the ah because I’m turning my back on her and my grandchild and if they suffer its my fault because I have the ability to give them a good life and home with plenty of stability but I’d rather make her struggle. (I’d never let the baby go without.) AITA?