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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Active-Gold1266 on 2023-09-24 21:00:34.
Some quick background: I’ve always been ambitious and started a bakery pretty young. I was able to do it through a family loan (which I’m grateful for) and a lot of grit and insane hours. The dedication led me to miss out on a lot of things, and while I’m incredibly proud to have built something that’s turned into a super popular spot in my neighborhood, I’ve definitely missed out on a few things.
One of which is that I’m 35 and single/childless. Although I have no regrets, I do want to find love. This is a topic of frequent discussion during family dinners with my parents and sister. It’s not an unwelcome discussion, and my parents don’t nag (they just ask normal things like “how was that coffee date last week?” or “did you like so-and-so?”) and if things don’t work out they don’t say anything much.
Normally it’s not a sad discussion, but this week I was sharing a bigger than normal disappointment in a recent failed date (we’d gone out a few times and I thought it would turn into something, but our schedules were incompatible). After hearing this, my sister piped up and said she wasn’t surprised because I had “a negative and unfeminine aura that turns away men”. My parents tried to shut her up, but she kept going on and on about how men would find my “energy” aggressive because I “set too many boundaries”.
She ended with saying that I should try “manifesting a positive love story” and that by going into relationships with negativity I was “manifesting failure”.
I was honestly so mad at this point, that I just blurted out “well maybe if you manifested a job, you wouldn’t be fighting with “Tom” (her children’s father) over child support payments”. She has two kids with Tom, split 50/50 custody, and tries to live off of her child support payments by staying with my parents. Honestly, there’s nothing wrong with that, except she always complains about not having nice things (i.e. she wanted a Chanel bag and was jealous her friend got one for her anniversary), and refuses to work (my dad offered her an admin job at his company, but she “hated sitting for so long”).
She immediately started crying at the table, causing us to cut dinner short. My parents are trying to not take sides, but have recently asked me to apologize because my sister has been making social media posts about me “weaponizing her poverty” and being a bully (btw, to call herself “poor” is honestly a slap in the face to people actually facing poverty. She lives in a gated community in my parents’ home). She refuses to come to my mom’s birthday party next week if I don’t say sorry. I personally feel like she deserved it, but I can tell my mom’s upset.
BTW, the “boundaries” my sister say that result in me “manifesting negativity” are things like me turning down a date 4th of July weekend because I own a BAKERY and it’s a huge weekend for my business, requiring me to be all hands on deck pumping out pies and pastries.