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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/chucklemage on 2023-09-24 16:25:39.
Tl;dr: I (25M) was asked by my parents (54M&48F) to buy them a house and when I said no, they said I don’t love them enough and am a bad son.
As recent as a two years ago, my parents both approached me to put my name down with my dad’s to buy a house. They made it very clear that my dad would be paying, and that my name on it because my dad was in property some years ago and got the old house repossessed (long story). I didn’t want to, but was emotionally pressured into saying yes because in my culture, an eldest son has to provide for their parents.
When they eventually found a house, I was asked by my dad to head to a lawyer’s office. I was sceptical, but went anyway to sort the paperwork. This was the first time I’d ever done anything like this and my dad was impatient with me for wanting to understand everything I was being asked to sign. He kept convincing me I didn’t need to read everything or know the meanings of all the terms and accusing me of not trusting him or my mum enough. I was again pressured and signed the papers but was unhappy. That house purchase eventually fell through and the whole ordeal just stressed me out.
The next time they asked, I put my foot down and said it did not sit right with me because prices were too high, interest rates were too high and I don’t earn enough to buy the kind of house they wanted. My dad was calm, but disappointed. My mom exploded. She accused me of being selfish, uncaring and called me a bad son. She mentioned how other people’s children would do it without asking and brought up all she’d done for me as a child and how ungrateful I was for denying her. It honestly broke my heart. She said that she’d ask my sister (28F who earns more than me fyi) to do it instead and how I had two choices: pay £500 (which is like 1/3 of my wages) towards rent a month or gtfo within a week. I was so shocked. I’d never in a million years thought my mother would say such things to me. I told her I’d pay for rent and anything else she’d need, but it’s causing stress.
Today, my mother asked again. I told her that I didn’t want to talk about it again and she went on another tirade. She said I wanted to abandon our family and that I’d never have a single penny in the house. I’d essentially be treated as a lodger, paying rent and any other cost or she wouldn’t let me live there. She said so much and I just sat there silently because I didn’t want to argue anymore but it made me so upset. I’m torn. I really love my parents. They’ve given everything for me and I want to help them, but I don’t earn enough money and this kind of risk just scares me. Am I the asshole for following my conscience and my heart and saying no, even thought it’s strained our relationship, or should I just put my name down and see it through?