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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/livingadhesively on 2023-09-23 20:34:01.
I already knew that I often attract a particular type of guy - a bit arty, often alternative / gothy. I haven’t had any reason to complain about that before, but pre-pandemic it wasn’t the only kind of guy I was meeting, and now it is. More particularly, the type of alternative guy who prides himself on being Different and liking Unusual and Weird things that other people don’t Get or know about … goth hipsters, basically. It’s mostly about being into punk or metal music, and it being important that I am too. Which I am, so it’s generally fine, but I do also like to listen to other types of music too and would just like … something different, for a change.
Anyway, I realised this because on three of the last five dates I’ve been on, they’ve brought up the subject by talking about the Nova Twins, who I have heard of (ironically from another pre-pandemic date) and I think are alright, and then they act super surprised and impressed that I know who they are. I get that they are not a mainstream band, but with the way I am hearing about them, it seems like they’re probably pretty well-known in the alternative scene?
The worst example of this was actually another pre-pandemic one, where I went out with a guy to a really great live music bar that was near my work at the time that I’d never known was there - so a great, big surprise - but he then made a point of saying he never goes to the same place twice, so even though this bar was great, and very convenient for me, he would not be going back there. Ever, because there are so many things to see and do (London, UK) that there is no reason to ever do the same thing twice. And then got really offended when I said I didn’t understand that, like how much time do you spend experiencing bad things just because they’re new? and made a huge ‘joke’ about how he’d only be going out with me the one time. (Which we did).
Having the same small band recommended to me over and over again in a couple of months woke me up to the fact that I’m in a pattern, how do I work out how I’m getting into that pattern and get out of it?
It might also be relevant, in that I attract (but don’t date) more than my fair share of addicts or recovering addicts, but I often find that goes hand in hand with the punk/alternative thing, and if I find that out then I’m polite but don’t date them.