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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/happysprouttt on 2023-09-23 18:39:20.
I am currently in school and work in the service industry part-time to make money. I started at a new place about 2 months ago.
Recently, it feels like every day I’m getting compliments. I was on the phone with my guy friend the other day and I told him how much I hate getting compliments from customers, specifically men. I have worked in the restaurant industry since I was around 14 (now in my 20s) but the compliments only have started recently as I’m a late bloomer. Compliments from male customers don’t feel like compliments, they just make me feel uncomfortable.
I was ranting about work and told my guy friend I missed going unnoticed. I told him I don’t know what to do in these situations as I am not used to the compliments. He doesn’t see the problem with it. He said to just say, “Thank you”, because they are complimenting me and saying nice things about me. I told him I say, “Thank you,” because it’s my job to be polite but they aren’t compliments to me.
I know not all men are bad and not every compliment comes from a creepy place but I have had some really creepy experiences with men in the service industry trying to hit on me, trying to touch me, etc. and so compliments essentially do the opposite of what they are “supposed” to. I don’t feel “pretty” or “beautiful”, I gross and want to disinfect my body with bleach. At this point, I only like or feel comfortable with compliments from women. I am also Asian so I get some weird race/fetish comments. I’ve gotten them enough that I can tell before they even open their mouth that they are going to bring up my race.
My friend asked me if I would rather be ugly or have them call me “ugly”, and the answer is yes. In this scenario, I would love to be “ugly”. The restaurant I work at now is really good about helping me out if I feel uncomfortable, the manager will take care of it or one of the guys will come help me out. I know this is expected in the service industry but I miss going unnoticed.
I know my friend doesn’t believe that men can’t be creepy as we’ve talked about it in the past but I ended the call by telling him that as a tall straight muscular dude, he doesn’t get to have an opinion on whether or not I interpret a compliment as a compliment as he clearly doesn’t get it and probably never will.