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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/DrAgnesL on 2023-09-23 16:06:46.
My fiancé (26M) and I (25F) have just started planning our wedding. We are covering it ourselves. We would like to invite a total of 55 people. Those family members that we meet regularly and those friends that we really have a close relationship with. We are not rich, and in my country a nice wedding is very expensive, especially compared to the salaries.
My mom divorced from my father when I was 6 years old. After that, she married my stepdad, whom I love very much and whom I look up to as a father. (I haven’t seen my biological father in 18 years.) The problem is that although I adore my stepdad, I don’t really know his family, they live in a different city and this relationship was never forced. His mother is dead, but his father is alive and he has two siblings. I don’t want to invite them, because in my whole life I met them approximately 10 times. His brother’s wedding was at the beginning of the year and I wasn’t invited. His sister has 2 adult daughters. I wasn’t invited to any of the girls’ weddings (there wasn’t a reception, but there was a ceremony in both cases), nor even to their children’s christenings.
The financial part of it is just one reason why I don’t want to invite them. The other reason is that I just don’t know them, so I don’t feel like they have a place at such an intimate occasion.
I don’t have the heart to tell my stepfather that his relatives cannot be invited. Together with his father, his two siblings and their spouses, this would mean an extra $465. (For comparison, I make $689 a month. We live in Europe.)
WIBTAH if I told my stepdad that his relatives will only be invited if he covers the extra cost?
Edit: He isn’t demanding it. There isn’t a finalised public guest list yet only my fiancé and I agreed on it. My mom and I had some girly talk about wedding planning the other day and she told me that my stepdad told her that inviting his relatives would mean a lot to him because it’s important to him