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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/broketowealth on 2023-09-23 12:45:26.

So, we were planning and talking about this trip for a full year and we were all excited to be going together, in part going on holiday and in part an extension of our wedding anniversary celebrations which were before this trip. Their preference was always to go together with us rather than by themselves, which we also offered and discussed.

  1. We wanted to treat my(30f) parents (62f +59m) to a special, 5* holiday for their big anniversary. We already had a good, tried and tested hotel - it is the same hotel we went to for our honeymoon so we knew it would be perfect, and that especially my mum, would absolutely love it. As my parents live in a different country to us, and would struggle to get around in a foreign country (they don’t know english), my husband(30m) made the effort to arrange the flights in a way that would mean we would arrive on the same day and also at similar times of the day to make it as easy as possible for my parents, even though we would have to drive 3h to the airport in our country - it was never an issue but is a reminder that all the effort put into making this trip was basically futile.
  2. Long story short, my mum is mad at me (for something that is ridiculous, but I still apologised for - details in comments) and relations between my mum and my dad are also strained to say the least. She wouldn’t speak to me or him on their anniversary celebration which we flew to only because my father asked me to come - hoping all will be resolved - that did not happen. Last time she was mad at me, she wouldn’t speak to me for a whole year. It is always really risky with her, she is either in good mood or bad mood, and when she is in bad mood she ruins everything for everyone. We (me, my husband and my father) suspect she is either bipolar or has a border personality disorder, but of course she will not go to a psychiatrist. My dad seems to have developed a mild drinking problem which is worrying but I digress.
  3. As we are going together, and it is our only proper holiday this year, I can’t let anything destroy it. This is also taking a big toll on my relationship with my husband. How do I know that even if she says that she wants to go on holiday with us, she won’t turn around and say that she wants flights back home in a couple of days into holiday, or how do we know she doesn’t get mad at me for a little nonsense? I feel like with her, everything is just hanging up in the air by a string, waiting to fall down on us at the flick of her finger.

The worst thing about this is that we feel like WATAs here because we are the ones who have invited them to come with us but the bad relations between me and my mum, and my father and my mum are absolutely not our fault and we refuse to be dragged into their problems. We tried everything we could to restore good relations with my mum and nothing has worked - she won’t speak to me, she hasn’t even texted us on our anniversary day.

AITA for deciding that me and my husband are going to go on holiday without them, given the situation?