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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/marsh_melly on 2023-09-23 14:01:17.

My partner “Joe” (29M) and I (26F) have been together almost 6 years, and owned a house together for nearly 2 years.

My partner’s family are from a city almost 4 hours away, whilst I am lucky enough to live less than an hour from my own family. Every year when Christmas comes around, the conversation starts about whose family we will see. My parents are divorced, so there are 3 different places we could go and everybody wants to see us. My mum also lives alone and struggles with her mental health, so I feel bad leaving her on Christmas.

We haven’t yet spent a single Christmas with Joe’s family. Each year we have attempted to make arrangements, but it never works out. It’s difficult to stay with them for Christmas, as they don’t have a spare room in their house. Hotels are expensive around Christmas time, and Joe and I are in agreement that we don’t wish to stay in a crappy hotel over Christmas that costs a fortune. The biggest issue is that Joe’s family have a very large, territorial and aggressive dog that they struggle to control. When we have visited we have been forced to remain upstairs out of the way as this dog’s behaviour is so unpredictable, and any time he’s heard us he’s lost his shit downstairs.

We are very fortunate to own a large house with 2 spare double bedrooms. This is perfect for welcoming Joe’s family for Christmas. Joe has started to make arrangements for his family to come and stay over the holiday this year, which is lovely. The problem is that his family will refuse to come without bringing their dog. I am very concerned about this because:

  • The dog has a history of aggression. I don’t want to feel like I can’t come downstairs to our kitchen (where he would stay overnight), or be scared just to walk around in my own home.
  • Joe thinks the dog can stay outside in our small garden most of the time, but we can’t predict the weather that far in advance, and his barking could disturb our neighbours on Christmas day.
  • I am worried about the safety and wellbeing of my cats. They will feel anxious, and could be torn apart!
  • Everyone will be stressed out trying to control the dog.

I shared my concerns and Joe told me that although he understands why I’m worried, he genuinely doesn’t believe this will be a problem. He shared that they plan to bring a large crate to keep the dog in the kitchen, and he can be in our garden, or be out on walks most of the time. I just can’t see this logistically working.

Joe has since told me that he already told his family that it won’t be a problem (before consulting me). I was obviously upset about this too. I don’t want to be TA and tell him his family aren’t allowed to come for Christmas, especially as we have never spent a Christmas with them. I also don’t want his family to think I’m the reason they can’t stay if Joe has already told them yes.

WIBTA for telling him that they can’t come if they bring their aggressive dog?