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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Safe-Cow-6509 on 2023-09-23 02:32:20.
Throwaway account due to not wanting my family and friends to know about my personal issues, I know this is likely a weird post due to traditional values and views but here it goes.
I (28M) am getting married to my girlfriend (26F) of 16 months in a couple months from now due to just falling for her quick and wanting to settle down before I’m too old to. So for some context, I am black and tend to like to wear a lot of white and brighter colors in my day-to-day life but to get to the point quickly.
I was with my wife’s brother just because he was going to be one of my groomsmen per my wife’s requests. I was thinking that we could both figure out how to make the suits match or look well together while we were at the tailor’s, but he seemed kind of weird when I wanted to buy the white suit, he said something like “Don’t you think white is more of a bride thing?” but never thought much about it due to just knowing about grooms wearing white to their own weddings before.
About 2 days after this shopping for suits time, I come home from work to my wife or future wife (whatever you want to say) and she’s extremely upset and angry for seemingly no reason to me, so of course, I asked her what’s wrong, thinking it was something wrong with the wedding or a wedding service not being done right. She proceeds to ask me How could I make the wedding all about myself. She told me her brother called her telling her that I wanted to buy a white suit. To be honest, after thinking about it for the past couple days, I actually wanted to just not do it and buy a normal suit to make her feel like the most important person on her special day.
After letting her scream and yell her heart out at me, I was just sitting there and listening, not wanting to get upset myself regardless of her strange reaction but then she said “You always make everything about you and I’m sick of it”. This actually struck a nerve in me because I would hear this all the time in my childhood and such about how I’m self-centered and selfish so as a adult in a relationship, I didn’t want to be like this, I refused to ever let her or any other past relationship celebrate my birthday or buy me gifts for holidays or anything due to not wanting to be seen as selfish.
For the past week, I’ve been sleeping in my car since she kicked me out of our home for the time-being and wanted time to cool off. I don’t have anyone to go to and don’t want to have a pity-party with anyone I do know, but I have been thinking about this and kind of have been thinking that I’m truly in the wrong right now and maybe I actually am making her day about me and being selfish and the sort, so AITA for wanting to wear white?
Small Edit: Ever since the proposal I have sometimes noticed my wife acting weird or even suggesting I wear something different if I wear white in public while I’m with her so maybe I was very stupid and blind to this very “Neon Red Flag”