This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/_advice4mepls on 2023-09-22 22:15:36.
My (30F) pregnant sister (34F) and her husband (42M) planned 2 weekend trips to visit me on the west coast - also as a pit stop to get to and from Hawaii. My sister (Jane) is pregnant and this trip is their babymoon.
Jane’s husband (Charles); My husband 31M (Victor)
Background - I don’t like how Charles speaks to or treats Jane in general. Charles often argues and raises his voice at Jane throughout the day about trivial things. I’ve talked to Jane about his behavior before and she’s told me, “I realize how he sounds when he talks to people; we fight about it all the time” and “I think he needs anger management.” It always ends with her apologizing or making excuses.
Weekend 1: The entire time we spent with Charles was quite exhausting and miserable for me. He argued with my sister multiple times. When Victor speaks, I can see Charles rolling his eyes, nudging Jane’s elbow, and “whispering” snide remarks to her; he seems to think these all go unnoticed by us. He usually talks down to me, cuts me off, and enjoys flaunting his knowledge. My brother, mom, and some cousins also find him a difficult person to be around.
Charles and Jane leave my house and the next day I am overwhelmed by the stress and how uncomfortable Charles always makes me feel. Victor finds me crying and thinks they should not come back to sleep in our home because it is so stressful for me, but agrees we should still hang out with them out of our house. I cried about it because I don’t want to put my sister in a difficult situation, especially with her being pregnant and trying to enjoy a vacation.
I end up telling Jane how I feel: “Charles is rude/disrespectful to you, me, and Victor. I still want to spend time with you while you’re in town, but I need separate time to decompress after being with Charles. I love you but this is the boundary I need to set for this dynamic to work.”
She cries and says if she doesn’t sleep here, she will “need a break” from me.
I apologized to her and emphasized this is about needing a break from Charles, not Jane. (both during a phone call and text)
Charles calls me and it goes terribly. He talks over me. He tells me he is “disappointed” because I am “not supporting” my sister’s pregnancy by not allowing him to sleep at my place. “Jane is bringing life into this world. Our feelings aren’t what matter, Jane is what matters right now. If we don’t sleep there, we won’t be seeing you.”
Weekend 2 starts today. I haven’t heard from Jane. AITA?
TL;DR: I told my sister I need a break from her husband bc he’s rude/disrespectful, and essentially told them to get their own place when they come visit