This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/RatioAny8249 on 2023-09-22 17:35:40.

My (now ex)wife and I lost 5 children before our daughter Jenny(30) was born healthy. I’m not talking about miscarriages. I’m talking about 4 babies I held and named before they died in the ICU in a few weeks. Mia the second youngest, was 3 before she passed from cancer complications. I still visit their grave and keep flowers on it.

When Jenny was born my ex spoiled her. She (my ex) thought I was being stupid by remembering our 5 late children instead of focusing all my attention on my youngest. And as Jenny grew up she instilled these same thoughts in her. Her(ex’s) family also encouraged this. This caused us to divorce when Jenny was 10.

Jenny thought I should stop remembering my kids. She would get mad when she would see a picture of them in my bedroom and throw tantrums to make me remove them.

To preface I never made everything about my late kids. Other than the pictures where only I could see them and visit them on their death anniversaries (which is important in our culture) and the flowers they were never mentioned. I have never skipped Jenny’s events in favour of the late kids or forced her to visit the grave. If Jenny had any events on the anniversaries I would attend them and support her and go visit the grave the next day, which is not normal in our culture.

Our relationship started to sour especially after she started getting even more spoiled by my ex and refused to learn basic life skills. The final straw was when she put her wedding date on Mia’s death anniversary and I quote told me that “I should remember her, the living child every day, and now instead of some dead girl I’ll remember her when I think of this date.” There have been previous incidents before this.

I got mad and told her that if she was acting this way I don’t want to be in her life. She accused me of choosing my late kids over her. Her to-be husband found out about our argument and now wants to stop the wedding entirely from what I hear. My ex’s family want me to forgive her so she can get married.

AITA?

I am new to this and not Western so I apologize if the post is not clear