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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Fresh-Cartographer23 on 2023-09-22 04:56:13.
I (60f) often go visit my sister and her husband in another province, flying there and back. This time I decided to invite my husband (59m) along with me for the first time. He wasn’t very keen on going due to our home situation: our daughter, 24f, still lives with and is heavily dependent on us as she is recovering from severe substance use disorder, and her mental age is really more like 13 due to the effects.
This has caused issues when leaving her home alone in the past, for example the last time I went to visit my sister, my husband wasn’t home the whole time because he flies in and out for work, and while we were away she relapsed, had random people over to our home which was not allowed, made a disaster of the house, and was so high on amphetamines that she was delusional, and calling all of our other children yelling unintelligibly (we have three other kids who are all out of the house). She also has a habit of leaving taps running for no reason, and is generally not a very responsible person even when we are home.
I convinced my husband to come along anyway, however, because she hasn’t used in a few months so I thought it would be fine, plus it wanted him to help cover the costs for the trip. During one of the layovers, he had a phone call with our daughter and afterwards told me he got a bad feeling, that her voice sounded off and he wanted to turn around and go back. I again convinced him that he was overthinking things and it would be fine, so he agreed to keep going.
The day after we arrive, however, I receive a text from my son saying that we should probably book the first flight home. Apparently he had gone to check up on the house over the night and had discovered our daughter clearly high, the house in absolute disarray, a street person and their dog in our house, and the basement flooded. I guess they were both too high to take the dog out because it had defecated in the house multiple times. She had also been driving our car around, which we left her the keys to, in this state.
My husband knew he would need to go home to deal with it, and I decided I would stay and enjoy the last five days of the vacation since it had already been paid for and we might as well get our moneys worth. My husband didn’t oppose this and has gone home to deal with the extensive damage due to the flooding, however my other children are saying that this was unfair to him and selfish on my part since the vacation was my idea. My husband is also saying I should have listened to his concerns. I tried to explain that I have to enjoy my life even if I’m caring for my daughter and it’s not fair for me to not be able to go on vacation anymore due to this, and that I couldn’t have seen this coming, but they are still saying I should have known better and shouldn’t be making my husband deal with everything. Am I the asshole here?