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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/PsychologicalSlip697 on 2023-09-22 01:32:23.
For some background information, my 28m wife 30f has a best friend, D 30m, who she has been friends with since she started college. He was the first friend she made at school and they’ve been close ever since. I always liked him and think he’s a pretty chill guy. There’s also another guy, P 31m, who’s a friend I made at my job. Us 4 plus others are in a larger friend group of about 10. P is kinda new to the group, as I’ve just recently invited him. P also broke it off with his fiancé (who he’d been with 6 years) about 2 months ago because he found out she was cheating with someone she claimed was “just a friend.” We have all tried to be supportive because we know that he is dealing with a lot because of that.
Anyways, ever since the breakup, he has made some super rude comments about my wife and D. He’s continually told to me that he thinks she’s cheating with him and that I need to start investigating, but when I ask for any proof of this he just says “if it happened to me it can happen to anybody.” At first I tried to be sympathetic and just explain that I trust both of them and know there isn’t anything going on, but it didn’t stop. It seemed like he was constantly saying things like this to me, but I tried my best to ignore it.
I didn’t really care too much until he started doing it in front of the group. Me, D, and my wife would usually try to ignore it, but it seemed like that didn’t work because it just kept getting worse. He kept making comments about how she was gonna leave me for him, she’s probably in love with him, and other outlandish stuff. Usually, we just blow it off or laugh as if he’s telling a joke, but the other day I think he took it too far.
While all of us were having a board game night, P made the comment that my wife probably uses D for “black dick” since I obviously “can’t provide.” (D and my wife are black, I’m white). This really pissed me off and I could tell my wife was mortified. I told P in front of everyone that he is an insecure creep who needs to get his shit together. Everyone kinda went silent and game night just kinda fizzled out after that. I felt guilty for ruining the atmosphere and texted my other friends apologizing. They all agree that P was out of line, but they think I only fueled it and made it more awkward when I should have ignored it. My wife and D have both told me they appreciate me standing up for them, but I still feel bad. AITA?