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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Medical_Switch3213 on 2023-09-21 21:44:02.
Throwaway. We (both30’s) have separate finances. We moved for his job so I’m in between jobs. It was agreed that he would take care of the finances until I find and start my job. This is the first time he’s had to support the family on his solo income. (I do add in 1k per month from my savings)
He’s previously been pretty bad with finances and never worried. He said himself, this is the first time he has been anxiously waiting for each paycheck. I have the means (savings) to help him out but I want him to experience hardship and learn money management so I haven’t offered to help out financially (and he hasn’t asked, though he does ask me daily when I’ll start my job). Our income is currently less than our expenses.
In the past, I told him he must have an emergency fund, but he never bothered to save up for it. He’ll have like 2k in emergency fund (our family expense is easily 6-8k now). He’s also learning to look at prices before buying and weighing wants vs needs. I feel like it’s a time of personal growth for him.
Would I be an AH to continue this for 2 more months just so he can grow?
(he’s always irked me because he’ll always say “don’t worry about it” but then if we come up short, I have had to foot the bill. Ie. when we had our baby, I told him we owed like 3k and he was like “oh, I have no money” which was super annoying).
FYI- I have not been delaying work. It takes a few months to change jobs in my field (between solving for new license/paper work and 2-4 weeks after working to actually get my paycheck. He’s completely aware of the timeline. I tried to tell him he can’t afford it in his income but he disagreed and said he’ll make enough.
He forgot to account for rent increase (from 1.5k to 4.5k), daycare cost, and his own tax… therapist suggested me “so maybe don’t save him next him?” Because he has learned that I will always be the financial safety net