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The original was posted on /r/cfb by /u/helicoptersandwich on 2025-08-23 01:46:44+00:00.
Twas the night before football when all through the house My wife began huffing and puffing about
The kids were in bed all tucked in with great care, chicken was marinating in the fridge over there
“I hate this time of year” a voice said behind me, I turned as my soul felt attacked, horrifyingly
“How could you hate it?” I replied in excitement, “this is a sign of the start of delightment
It may still be hot outside in the sun, but think of the times inside, oh the fun!
We get to be snuggled on the couch entertwined, watching tv you really won’t mind
Quality time spent together again, you on your phone while I judge Texas and Penn
And about the Ohio State I must say, well they won last year lead by that beard dyer, Day
Clemson, Georgia, Notre Dame too, successful programs, with speeding criminals too
Oregon’s never won a championship game, but with unis so fly they’ll be sure to lay claim
Bama is riding a rising red tide, LSU, surprisingly 'snot too far behind
Miami’s the school where you say you’re from ‘U’, and of course Big12 favorite, the devils ASU
Now 'Lini, now Scar, now Michigan blue, gators, mustangs, and of course KSU
OU, TAM, IU, and 'ol Miss, are hoping to upset some teams, make 'em pissed
Iowa [state], T-Tech, and Tennessee 'teers, are hoping Boise stays in their rearview mirrors”
“Wow” she replied with mild sarcasm, “do you not realize this will cause me to spasm?
Every weekend with football until the snows come, and even then that’s not all it’ll never be done”
“But wait!” I replied, “do you know what fall means?” You can fill up your belly with your favorite drinks!
“Let’s make a deal right now and right here, that I will be present each day, do not fear
And when you need attention or just something nice, I’ll buy you your favorite flavor, pumpkin spice!”
And with that little promise, a smile so wide, spread across my wife’s face and I knew all would be right
So my friends let’s join in, celebrations abound, for one more night’s rest and cheer will be found
And as we lay down to rest for the night, I exclaim to you all HAPPY FOOTBALL! GOODNIGHT!