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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/WickerBag on 2023-09-21 00:01:56.

In my going-on three years of being a man in the workplace, I’ve noticed a ridiculous difference myself in the other direction, to the point where I’ve been taking notes and sometimes fuming.

This is from a transgender letter writer who wrote the blog Ask A Manager for advice on a different topic, but also elaborated on their experience in the workplace (AFAB, presenting as a man in the workplace, but non-binary in private).

I felt like sharing this. It’s infuriating but also validating. Posting the most relevant exerpt here, but the whole thing is worth a read.

I tell people that transition has only made me more of a feminist, which I already very much was.

The bar for certain things is so much lower for men than for women. It’s really astonishing. I went from being seen as off-putting, unapproachable, and unsociable to approachable, easygoing, and friendly. That’s not just an assumption, that’s based on my actual performance reviews and colleague feedback. On the appearance and grooming front, I went from being seen as, at best, a relatively low-maintenance woman, to being a very sharp and put-together man. I wouldn’t say that I’ve changed all that much as far as how much I socially engage with colleagues, and I spend way less time/money on things like clothes and hair. I feel like so much time and energy has been freed up for other things. I wish everyone could have that kind of choice in the matter without facing so much judgment.

I get questioned on my authority far less, even by people who know little to nothing about my experience and credentials. They assume that because I have a job that I have successfully performed for going on three years now, I must know what I’m talking about. Initially, that backfired. Whenever I made a point, I’d front-load justifications and arguments since that was what I was used to doing to be heard, and people reacted with surprise and confusion. Additionally, I had to learn to stop pushing so hard for space to speak in any given discussion, since everyone in the conversation automatically made room for me. I had to learn to more mildly state my opinion and offer the rest only if asked.