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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/CuriousMomma_64 on 2023-09-20 15:54:46.
I (35) have been with my husband (37) for 15 years. We have two kids D (8) and A (5). For the most part we agree on a lot of things when it comes to parenting, but we have our moments … this now being one of them. D’s birthday is tomorrow. We planned on taking him to Disney for the weekend as a surprise.
Unfortunately, A has been acting out recently. She is 5, so she has her normal tantrums and behavioral stuff. However, it has become increasingly frustrating. We use a reward/consequence system at home, which helps at times. We also spend a lot of time talking to her to see what is causing her to act out. I have come to the conclusion that she wants to be helpful, but she wants to do it her way. Again she is 5.
Anyways, we obviously can’t cancel the Disney trip as that would be unfair to D. So initially we agreed to take her (my ILs are coming so we can’t leave A with them) but she wouldn’t be allowed to ride on the rides. My FIL doesn’t do rollercoasters so she will sit with him. If he decides to do a ride, we will all go. Yesterday I spent 30 minutes talking to her in her room before bedtime and she was really hard on herself. It made me feel bad and I feel like this punsihment may be too harsh.
She has other consequences that we have put into place but I feel like taking her to Disney and making her stay behind while we go on rides is just cruel. I initially agreed to this consequence, but I am starting to change my mind. My husband thinks we should stick to our original agreement.