This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Objective_Cod7272 on 2023-09-20 16:17:03.

I (30f) have no contact with my older brother (34m) or his wife (28f) and have not done for over a year.

For around three years prior to that our relationship was only upsetting. No matter what I did or said his wife would claim I was behaving rudely or maliciously and would scream and cry until I apologised.

My brother, her parents and her brother contacted me over the years to explain this was how she “related to girls”. Screaming and crying and “reconciling” afterwards was her way to be close to girls and I was urged many times to play along and accept this about her because over time we would become close from it.

But it got to the point where it was unbearable. Every message and interaction with her was exhausting and she delighted in putting me down in front of other people.

My brother absolutely enabled this and made everything worse. In fact the final straw was him secretly recording a conversation we had where he asked me some deeply personal questions (at the time I thought he was trying to be vulnerable together to mend our relationship) and I caught him playing the recording to her as they both laughed at me.

I got a job opportunity far away and jumped at it, making going no contact suddenly much easier, and have not spoken to either of them since. They have also not tried to contact me since I moved.

They recently had a child, something I only know about because my mum told me, and she has begun pestering me to visit them and send gifts/messages. I have tried to say “no, thank you”, and even explained if they reached out I would respond, but I am not interested in initiating contact.

But every conversation I have with her now begins and ends with “you are an aunt now, you need to act like it”, or some variation. So today I said “I am not aunt, I am not in this baby’s life in any way” and she was really upset with me.

She asked me if I was rejecting her grandchild, which of course I am not. She is welcome to have a relationship with whoever she wants and be as involved as she wants. But I am not in this baby’s life, as an aunt or otherwise, and I don’t see that changing in the future honestly.

The conversation only soured from there, with her insisting that if I refuse to accept I am an aunt, then I am claiming she is not a grandmother. She is now not speaking to me and insists I am being unnecessarily hurtful and creating sadness in a time that should be happy… I really don’t think of myself as an aunt at all, but am now wondering if it was cruel to voice that thought? AITA?