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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/username1122567 on 2023-09-20 06:30:10.
Me (22F) and my boyfriend (29M) had a dinner date tonight and I decided to dress up a little more than I usually do. Now admittedly, I just started my period so I was more emotional than usual. I was feeling a lot of anxiety all day, so when I got to his place I gave him a disclaimer: “Hey, Ive been feeling really anxious all day and I just started my period so I’m a little emotional. I really need you to be nice to me tonight.” He said no problem.
On the ride there he went on and on about how hot I looked in my dress. Not only was he calling me beautiful, he was treating me noticeably nicer. Just being more chivalrous than he normally is. I thought this was just bc i asked him to be nice. At some point he says “Oh I’m sorry. I’m just eating all the chips over here.” I chuckle and say “Baby you always do that.” And he says “Yeah, except you’re beautiful tonight.” This comment hurt my feelings because I felt like he was saying tonight is different from other nights bc I’m not usually beautiful. I know this could definitely be reading too much into it so I try to laugh it off and jokingly say “Okay don’t start f*ckin up now.” He says “I’m not allowed to say you’re beautiful?” I say “Well it’s just the way you said it kinda made it seem like I’m not usually beautiful.” Then he snaps at me & says “I swear you just be wanting to start shit.”
At this point bc I’m extra sensitive I can feel the tears welling in my eyes. I genuinely wasn’t trying to start anything. A few minutes later I try to change the subject. He just says “Are you upset?” He sounds really mad. I say “A little, but I’m getting over it.” He says “So am I not allowed to call you beautiful?” I say “No, it’s just the way you said it implied—“ He cuts me off: “YOU implied.” He’s clearly angry now. He says “You know what? I’m over it. Just take me home after this.”
Once again I can feel the tears in my eyes but I know if I cry it’s going to make it worse. After a while I try to break the silence and lighten the mood by joking “Hey, maybe we should put this on AITA together.” In the past we’ve loved reading these posts together. I thought he would laugh. But he blows up. “Do whatever the fck you want I don’t give a shit. I don’t give a shit about who’s right. If you need to put it on there just to make yourself feel better be my fcking guest.” From that point on I’m just quiet. After the date he walks ahead of me all the way to the car and I drive him back home in silence.
I know that it’s possible he didn’t mean anything bad by his comment, but all I really wanted was for him to say something like “Oh, I didn’t mean it like that.” Maybe even to just say he was sorry? I don’t really know. I think I mostly just feel disappointed because I told him how vulnerable I was feeling and he still blew up at me. I don’t think I’m without blame in this scenario, I know I didn’t handle it the best. But am I the asshole?