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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/icantbelieveyourbs on 2023-09-20 00:52:19.
I’m getting married in April next year in an intimate wedding ceremony with just my immediate family, my fiancé’s immediate family, & our bridesmaids/groomsmen there. We’re renting an Airbnb for 3 days that hosts all 25 of us. Casually hanging out the first 2 days, the wedding ceremony is on the final day of our stay there, & the wedding reception is on the night of our wedding in another location with 100+ people aside from the original 25 in the wedding party.
My fiancé & I wanted this weekend to be adult-only. 2 of my bridesmaids have kids but have planned/are planning childcare for that weekend & support our “no kids” rule. My mother strongly insisted I invite my sister’s 2 kids (& emphasized they are my “only niece and nephew”), so we reluctantly decided to include them in the ceremony as a flower girl and ring bearer.
Fiancé & I still want to do one adult-only event and decided the reception will be adults-only, which he & I are paying for entirely. When I explained this to my mom, INITIALLY, she was willing to miss the reception & watch the kids as she doesn’t drink & the kids go to bed early (our reception will be a nighttime event past their bedtime).
My sister, however, called me “rude and inconsiderate” for this decision, implying it’s wrong for me to not want my “own niece and nephew at the reception”. She is thinking to not even attend the wedding at all, even though 1. Her kids will miss the RECEPTION, not the WEDDING, and 2. I explained that my mom is willing to watch the kids during the reception.
I talked to my mom to tell her my sister is upset, thinking my mom would support me. Guess what? My mom FLIPS on me, telling me she won’t come to the wedding either if I’m going to exclude her grandkids like that. She went from “I’ll watch the kids” to “you’re a bad person” in a span of 10 minutes, which I suspect has something to do with my sister having a side conversation with my mom while I was talking to them both? Anyway…
My fiancé reached out to my family (my mom, dad, sister) & explained that we need to have a discussion about this as a family. My dad explained they are traveling for the next 2 weeks, & once they return, & we all have time to “cool off”, we will arrange a family discussion. He seemed neutral in his response but didn’t state where he stands in this.
I’m disappointed my mom and sister feel this way and insisting things go THEIR way for MY wedding. My fiancé and I are not changing our minds. As much as I have my fiancé and his family’s support, I’m sad about my own family possibly not being at the wedding over this (especially as my dad agreed to officiate our wedding). I also don’t want to sacrifice my boundaries for an event that is extremely special to my fiancé and me.
With that said…. AITA?
I won’t have a major update until after we have our “family discussion”. Until then, any input is appreciated!
EDIT: While I am sad about their choice, if they can’t come, I understand & accept it. Explained this to them and they still don’t seem happy. Wanted to clarify this.