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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Sad_Consideration702 on 2023-09-20 00:29:59.
My wife Dee (28F) and I (27M) recently had our first baby, Almond (4 months). It wasn’t an easy delivery, but she’s recovering and we are both back to work. That’s neither of our first choices, but was necessary to help because of our financial situation. My wife has a sister, Cecilia (21) who lives with their parents about 12 hours away.
My wife and her sister are from a culture that heavily emphasizes intergenerational households, and certain postpartum rituals. Because it was important to my wife to have family support, we all agreed Dee would come stay with us for a bit to help out with the baby.
I expected her to stay a few weeks, but we are going on four months and my wife and I recently got into an argument about how much longer she’d stay. Dee attends college virtually and does not have a job; she is home all day. She cooks, cleans, watches the baby, and is overall great.
The only problem is I want to be doing those things. Call it toxic masculinity, but when I imagined having a child, I thought it would be us working together, not us and her sister. Cecilia has a bath waiting for my wife when she gets home, only takes her preferences into consideration when cooking meals, and handles most of the night duties unless Almond needs to be fed. I’ve told her twice to please wake me when the baby cries; she’s told me that she won’t unless I move to the guest bedroom, because it’s important for my wife to get rest.
I told my wife I want her out of the house by the end of the month, but she thinks it’s a terrible idea. Without Cecilia, we are entirely without support. I suggested one week on, one week off until six months, but she says that’s too long of a drive to ask her sister to make. I feel like I never get a chance to be alone with my wife and child.