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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/evilcoven on 2023-09-19 20:48:25.

I had a now-deleted post on r/TrueOffMyChest go viral in June detailing the emotional and verbal abuse I was surviving at the hands of my now-ex. My psychiatrist even noted in my records that he was “verbally abusive.” Through talking with my support system, I’ve realized he raped me and was also sexually abusive.

We met and began dating in May 2022. On his 28th birthday last October, he’d suggested we try something new. We were having PIV sex at the time and I was a little bit drunk and confused. I asked him to tell me what he meant. He reiterated again that he wanted to try something new. I caught on to what he was hinting at and asked if he meant anal, and he nodded. I remember saying, “But we don’t have lube” right before he flipped me over and put all his body weight on me and began pushing inside of my rectum. I was screaming in pain and he didn’t stop. He had his arms wrapped around me. I hadn’t had anal sex in years and it had only ever been with one partner, who was far more well-endowed than this ex and always used more than enough lube and properly prepared me. Neither was the case here. He didn’t use spit, he didn’t prepare me with his fingers, he didn’t even respond when I told him we didn’t have lube. I remember immediately going to the bathroom to take a bath after he was finished, and him following me in there to ask what I was doing. I told him I was in pain. He didn’t apologize for hurting me. He left the bathroom and our room entirely to go play World of Warcraft. I remember tearing up in the bath, but I don’t think I cried.

I had work the next day and I couldn’t focus because I was in a daze. I couldn’t stop replaying the night before in my head and even just now, writing it out, my heart rate increased and I had to put my phone down. I reached out to a couple of my trusted male friends and told them what happened and how preoccupied I was with it and they both called him a rapist. I posted about it on an anonymous site for women a couple days later and was also told he’d raped me. I think I’ve been in denial for the past 11 months because I keep telling myself I didn’t explicitly say no.

Other odd details about his sexual control over me was his obsession with me not shaving my pubes. I did shave completely bare once, in the first month of our relationship, and he spanked me for it and told me I’d have to ask his permission in the future. When my pubes got long enough for him to grasp and pull on, he would do so in place of fingering me because he said I “felt better” after he’d “finished hurting me.” I trimmed them with shears to prevent this. He only ever ate me out once during the entirety of our 14 month relationship, and that was the very first time we had sex (he was lazy and bad at it) - he never even offered to after that, so in return, I never gave him head except for once or twice of my own volition, for my own pleasure. He was also weirdly silent during sex unless he was talking dirty. He’d breathe hard through his nose but that was it. Once, while in his car with his beloved (s)mother in the backseat, he opened his browser on his phone and the music playing was overridden by porn that he muted before it played through the speakers. I caught a brief flash of the title on his car’s display - something about Motherless.com, but that’s all I saw before he closed the tab. When I asked him about it as we were headed home after dropping his mother off, he told me he’d been closing out old tabs before going to bed the night before, and that he “didn’t need that stuff anymore because [he had me].” I know that’s not how phones work, but I didn’t press the issue. I don’t know what Motherless hosts because I prefer to jill off to erotica, and have no interest in Googling it. I’d assume it’s porn for people with mommy issues, and he’s drowning in those.

One of my best friends has a bachelor’s in sociology and is downright convinced my ex is a deeply closeted gay man. I myself am bisexual and have known I am since I was 11. Anyway, my friend’s reasoning is that:

  1. He had me keep a bush because he "didn’t want to see [my vagina]"
  2. If he didn’t want to see it, of course he’d hardly ever finger me, let alone put his face near it
  3. The weird silence during sex
  4. The fact that he was average, maybe a bit below, but never once thought it strange that I bled every time we had PIV - to the point I thought I had developed vaginismus and brought this up to him. He was not concerned. In fact, the last time we had sex (he always initiated) before I left him (3 days prior), I made a pained sound when he first entered me, and he asked if it hurt. I said yes and he said “Good” and began thrusting harder.

TL;DR - my ex anally raped me 11 months ago, controlled my personal grooming habits, didn’t care that I bled every time we had sex, and my friend thinks he’s actually gay.