This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/NeverTilingAgain on 2023-09-19 04:55:02.
I’ve had three longterm relationships, all of them have been soul-sucking and a full-time job’s worth of labor both emotional, physical, and mental. I’ve done tons of therapy to not be codependent and caretaking anymore but now I’m too scared to even try again my experiences with men have been so bad.
I want someone to be a partner and make my life a little easier on the whole rather than more difficult. I don’t want to be a therapist again. I don’t want to end up having heart palpitations from the stress of dealing with a man with an undiagnosed personality disorder. I don’t want to be a bangmaid again, or have to dissociate to force myself to satisfy them. I don’t want to be a mommy and have to teach them how to adult or make appointments. I don’t want to have to diminish myself to assuage their ego again. I don’t want to realize I’m a means to an end for a man who actually hates me.
I don’t want to be an interchangeable wife-appliance.
I want to be seen as a whole person and not just a collection of attractive features and traits they can benefit from. On dates from dating apps I have this overwhelming impression that I’m totally interchangeable with any other equally attractive woman and these guys don’t even like me they just want to get in my pants or lock someone down so they have the benefits of a wife.
I’ve built a wonderful life single, I have good friends, a home of my own, tons of hobbies where I’m trying to meet people off the apps. But there’s a part of me deep down that really does want a relationship and that connection. It just seems like the options are be exploited or be alone.