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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/banananmuffin on 2023-09-17 14:32:58.
I (27F), Filipina, have been living in NY since 2014. I went to nursing school here, graduated last 2018, started working on the same year, and have been a CRNA for almost 3 years now. I met my partner (30M, Marco) through a mutual friend and we’ve been dating for almost 4 years now. My family has met my bf a couple of times when they would visit me here in NY.
A little family background: both of my parents (57M, 49F) are surgeons in the Philippines and they still give financial support to their respective family from time to time. My aunt (dad’s sister) is heavily dependent on my dad- she’s a SAHM, her husband doesn’t work full time, and they have 3 kids (2 in college). My dad would give her Php 30k per month and it’s still not enough for her. While my dad can give more, I still have 3 younger siblings (1 who has special needs) who are studying and my parents are also saving for retirement, so dad refuses to give more than that.
A week ago, Marco and I went to the Philippines so he can formally ask my parents’ permission to marry me. My whole family and some relatives were there and it was a sweet and fun dinner. We went for to a restaurant for desserts and while waiting for our orders, we were talking about some wedding plans and Marco and I told my parents that while we don’t have a specific date yet (planning to get married late next year) we plan to get married in CA. We asked my parents to be present; and for my relatives, we told them they are welcome to join us but we can only afford to pay for max 1 week of accommodation for 20 adults and they will be paying for their own plane fare, food, visa, etc. This is where the night started to turn bad: my aunt said that she can’t afford to buy tickets and get visas for 5 people and that we should just sponsor her. We replied that we can’t do that since we are paying everything for the wedding and we don’t wish to go over our budget. My parents also explained to her that while we would love to have them, we are not forcing her to spend that much money. My aunt then said (roughly translated to English equivalent): “Marco is a foreigner, I’m sure he can afford to pay for us.” I quickly shut her down, but she continued with “You’re marrying a foreigner, but he can’t afford to do that for us? Is he not rich? Foreigners have a lot of money. If he can’t afford to do that, why marry him? Marry someone rich.” I was floored and ashamed and I told her that people like her, who sees foreigners as money, are the reason why foreigners think Filipinas are gold diggers. I said that out loud in front of my other relatives and some customers for sure heard it. Aunt was humiliated and walked out. Desserts forgotten.
What happened spread like wildfire with the rest of the relatives. My family agreed with what I said but a couple of my relatives agreed with my aunt and that what I said have caused a rift in our family dynamics. They told me I should have just told her in person and not in a public place. So, AITA?
EDIT for clarifications: Aunt’s husband used to work full time before the pandemic. Husband is a good man but both of them made poor financial choices. When the pandemic happened, he was one of the thousands who lost their jobs. He has not been working full time since then. Idk if he plans to work full time again. Since 2020, my dad has been giving my aunt’s family Php30,000/month. A redditor has explained in the comments the value of that amount.