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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/oppositecougar on 2023-09-17 14:19:45.
I’ve (28F) been texting with this guy (40M) I met on a dating site, we live on opposite coasts of the US. The first day was fine, he seemed funny and sweet and kind (and he probably is all those!). But it’s been 3 days and he’s been sending me over a dozen texts a day including all through the night, sending me screenshots of flights from his area to mine, generally moving really fast and love-bombing.
On reflection, the 2 times we video chatted were ~2 hours each, I spoke for maybe 15-20min. He talked at me for ages about himself, his passions and experiences, and occasionally telling me how what little he knew of me related to that.
He’s been telling me how he can’t stop thinking about me, imagining our wedding (??? it was joking but still), etc. He says he knows it’s NRE (new relationship energy) but in my mind, how can you even have NRE when you literally know less than 10 things about me? I don’t even think he’s attracted to me, but to whatever person he’s projected onto my image.
Initially I thought I could wrangle him in and the NRE would fizzle, but I’ve quickly realized he’s showing other signs of more longstanding instability. Obviously intense emotions, discussions of a friendship with his ex who he still lives with and is a caregiver for (and many many blurred boundaries), a mention of recent but not current suicidality that was followed up with something like “but that’s too heavy right now. But suffice it to say, I’m really glad I met you.”
So. I’m painfully inexperienced, and haven’t dated in 4 years. I’ve also never had to break up with anyone even casually, usually people just aren’t into me and bounce. All in all I’m overwhelmed and nervous, and want to just slow down, but my gut tells me he’s probably always like this and I should just end it.
But while I believe he’s a good guy at heart, I literally don’t know this guy, and I’m nervous to say something that may send him into a spiral. I want to be firm in my boundaries but mindful of potential escalation…
Ugh. Being female in this world is a nightmare. Any advice appreciated. :(