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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/FuturePineapple4074 on 2023-09-16 03:05:10.

I don’t use Reddit but my friend suggested I post here.

I am a transgender man who very much passes for a cisgender man 99.9% of the time. Almost a decade ago I had a double mastectomy which gave me scars along my pec lines. They are very much healed but still visible.

I go to a gym that allows men to exercise topless. The other day I was working out in the outdoor area and it was hot so I took my shirt off. EDIT: I should have included this in the first place but to my knowledge there is no rule against women being topless, but I have never seen a topless woman at this gym. Most wear sports bras.

About 5 minutes in, a woman approached me and asked me to put my shirt back on. I asked why because there were 3 other men who also had their shirts off. She responded that she knew what my scars were from and it disturbed her to see them. She said it was no different than if she took her bra off and forced everyone to see her breasts.

I told her that’s her problem and if she wanted to take her bra off go for it. She said she’d report me and then glared and made disgusted faces at me for the rest of my workout, which I ended up cutting short because I felt so uncomfortable.

I felt like I was in the right, as there’s no reason why my body is a different case than the other men around me just because I have some lines on it that may suggest there used to be breasts there. But some of my female friends (cisgender) have said I’m the asshole because putting my shirt on would have been the least I could do to make her more comfortable in a male-dominated space. I said she could have just moved to a different part of the gym. They said why should she have to move, I said why should I have to change? They say I’m refusing to see it from the female perspective and she wasn’t being transphobic. Now, I can’t tell if my outlook is too clouded by my own experience. Am I being ignorant? Should I have just put my shirt back on?

TLDR: Took my shirt off where it was allowed and a woman was offended by my surgery scars that show I am trans. I refused to cover up despite her complaints. AITA?

EDIT: Some additional information I perhaps should have included:

  1. My scars are nearing 10 years old. They are not grotesque, overly discolored, or even all that noticeable in my opinion. I am regularly shirtless outdoors in parks/pools/etc and I haven’t caught anyone staring in probably 5ish years. I don’t think I can post links but if you Google Image search Hanson Gobron Out Magazine that’s pretty similar to my scars. Mine are probably a bit more faded and I have a little chest hair.
  2. To the questions of why my gym allows people to be shirtless, this was in the weight area of a rock climbing gym. I don’t know why but shirts off seems to be a big climbing thing. Most women wear sports bras and no shirts, including the woman who confronted me.
  3. I would never use a bench or machine (there’s no machines anyway) shirtless. Gross. I was outside doing deadlifts.