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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwRA-confused-man on 2023-09-15 19:58:59.
Hi all, My wife of 4 years told me last night that I don’t care about her. Some background: we had our first child early 2022. Things have been harder on our relationship since then. When I asked her why she feels that way, she said I don’t do anything for her. I don’t understand how or why she feels that way. In the last year, I have taken her on two international vacations and bought her countless expensive gifts. Now, I know gifts don’t equate to caring but I wanted to point that out. She said I did nothing for her birthday but I got her a very nice gift she had been wanting and we had a nice dinner together at home with friends and family.
She also said I don’t do anything to show her I care. I asked her to elaborate and she couldn’t or wouldn’t. I work full time so that she can be a stay at home mom while I finish my masters degree and I am very present in my child’s life and help her with everything for our child when I am at home. I usually leave for work around 8 and I’m back home by 3:30. Rarely does it get later than that. I help with house work, I cook, I clean, I take care of my child. Mostly, I provide financially so that she can be a stay at home mom, something she wanted to do. I feel like she is gaslighting me by saying I don’t care about her when she can’t point out specifics.
So, my question is, am I the asshole?