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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Strawberries_09 on 2023-09-15 13:59:52.
Hi,
I have been severely depressed for over a year.
I have therapy sessions regularly but have trouble finding a good one that I can click with. I am writing here to ask for support and guidance.
I am mainly stressed at the moment because I’m towards the end of my course. I need to complete my assignments to graduate on time, and find a job for next year while my relationship is coming to an end.
I have been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years and I have struggled to trust him after I found out he lied many times. He also cheated on me emotionally by putting a woman friend first and disclosing himself more to her. It took him over a year to be direct and talk to her to cut off the friendship as it crossed boundaries so many times. I was suffering mentally because of what he did.
He promised to change and stay committed to our relationship. He changed and has been treating me better, but I am still struggling to overcome what happened.
Last week, he went to a party that the woman friend was also there. I knew so I decided to avoid it by cutting contact with him. I was anxious about my own thoughts and also trying to be rational not to control him. It was his graduation party so he should go and enjoy himself. He went home from the party around 10:30pm and asked to stay at my place because it took him over 2 hours to go back to his place. He has been very stressed about work so he needed me to let him stay to ‘support’ him. I refused cause I wanted to avoid my feelings getting triggered (they already did at that time). I already told him before that I was very tired and would have an early night to go to work the next day so he stayed over and would interrupt my sleep (I stay in a studio apartment). He got angry and told me that I was selfish and disgraceful since he had to go home around 1am cause I didn’t let him stay over. I decided to break up with him after that because I couldn’t really deal with all the stress this relationship brought me. And I also feel that he was taking advantage of me because the next day he also took the two-hour train to go to have a coffee with his group of friends which has the girl in there. He told me that he sensed that the girl would not be there that’s why he went.
I’m not saying that I was right about what happened but I can’t rationalise why I acted that way. I can’t work with this with my therapist at the moment since I don’t see myself progressing with her approach. It will take a bit of time for me to find a therapist to work on this at the moment so I am seeking advice and resources that I can work on by myself and overcome this heartbreak while keeping my life together. I am so close to falling apart. I am depressed and had a mental breakdown at work today.
Thank you.