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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/withkindestregards on 2023-09-15 00:41:45.
For the longest I couldnt figure out if my bf was being passive aggressive or if he was genuinely so self absorbed he didnt give one literal shit about anyone around him and Ive come to realize its both and Im so fucking turned off by him now.
For the longest Ive gently told him that the overhead lights in our apt really bother me. I dont know if its because Im neurospicy or if its because they are just ugly… but They are really high up and super harsh- usually when people need the lights changed, maintenance comes and changes them. They are also cool and just bright and ugly. So, I invested in a lot of lamps that have warm lighting and I leave them on. We also have GIANT windows that span the entire length of the apartment. The windows were the selling point for me when I rented the place.
Lately, he has heard me talk about overhead lights annoying me and its like hes doubled down on the overhead lights. Every day. Every single bright ugly fucking light is on in the house like one big giant emergency room. The blinds to the window closed so NO sunlight is coming in. It feels like hes doing this on purpose. Ive mentioned to him that i Hate it and he keeps doing it. Every time he enters the room- then leaves it on as he leaves. Yesterday I got fucking ENRAGED when I came home and he wasnt even home- and every single light was on. The lamps were TURNED OFF. I really had to check myself on not flipping out.
Then I realized this is a larger problem over all in our relationship. I tell him my needs and he doesnt give a fuck. He will do nice things for me, sure. He can be kind and sweet at times. But a LOT of the time in his day to day life, he could literally fucking care less about how his choices affect other people. Also the fact that I genuinely cant tell if hes being passive aggressive and gaslighting me or if hes just a person who could fucking care less is a problem itself. Because being passive aggressive then gaslighting me after is very on brand for him.
So since He wants to live in a ugly fucking apt that he never mops or cleans with every single over head light on and Im going to just let him do that because Im moving out in October.
Ladies, when you get super triggered by shit like this you are not being unreasonable. This kind of shit is always symbolic of a larger problem.