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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/colormechriss on 2023-09-14 16:42:44.
10 years ago, on my (33f) first day of law school, I met the person who would become my best friend, “J” (36f). We did everything together: studied, partied, had mental breakdowns, you name it. We went through it all together. We were bonded by trauma.
After we graduated, J lived only 25 minutes away and we got together frequently, but I started to realize they were a little flaky. Sometimes at the last minute they would cancel plans without explanation. This was usually OK because I’m one of those people who sometimes makes plans and then day-of dreads the idea of having to be social. And, we lived so close that if plans were canceled one day, we’d just reschedule for another day.
Things changed just before the pandemic. J moved an hour away. Luckily, J’s new place was on the way to my parents’ (whom I visit about 1-2x a month), so I would just stop at J’s for a sleepover on Friday nights whenever I was going to my parents’ place for the weekend.
Unfortunately, despite me making the trip (albeit, one of convenience bc I was going to see my parents anyway but I always made sure to have a meaningful visit with J whenever I was going up there) J has not visited me since 2019.
In the last year, J has blown me off three times for significant events I have invited them to. First, it was a housewarming party for my new apartment. I invited people months in advance, made a FB event, the whole shebang. J texts me 1 hour before the party and tells me that they couldn’t get anyone to watch their dog (it wasn’t J’s dog, it was their SO’s dog, and J did not live with the SO, J was just “hanging out” with the dog while the SO was at work), and so they couldn’t come. I didn’t think anything of it, was just slightly annoyed with the last-minute bullshit excuse. But, others were coming so I let it go.
Next, I planned a slumber-party style night with just my three best friends (J and 2 others, they all knew one another quite well) weeks in advance. Well, you guessed it, day of, I get a text from J after they were supposed to have been at my house saying that one of their tires was low on air and they couldn’t come. Finally, earlier this year, I had planned a small birthday gathering weeks in advance, and the night of, J texted me saying her new boyfriend (of one week) broke up with her and she was too upset to come
Allegedly to make up for missing my birthday, J suggested we do a Mexico trip together. For months she would send me “countdown to mexico” texts about how excited she was. Nearly daily messages. Then, a month before the trip, she texts me asking if I would mind if she brought her brand new boyfriend (of one week) to mexico with her instead of me. I told her she clearly didn’t value our friendship if she thought she could replace me that easily with her squeeze of the week, and that she could forget our friendship entirely. She said she was kidding and I overreacted and that we would still go together. I refused.
Ok reddit, did I overreact? AITA?