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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/FrenchFried209 on 2023-09-14 12:54:00.
Why do some parents become irritated when they hear individuals without children discussing their future plans regarding parenting? This topic frequently appears on social media and appears to particularly frustrate parents, especially mothers. I can comprehend the annoyance when childless individuals delve into discussions about children’s behavior and how they intend to discipline their hypothetical kids. It’s understandable how that could be bothersome. However, I’ve also witnessed people becoming irked when childless individuals mention simple things like their preferences for the type of school they’d like to send their future children to and other minor details.
For instance, a few months ago, during a hangout with my best friend, who happens to be a mother, I casually mentioned my desire to hire a nanny when I have children. Her reaction was unexpected, as she briefly fell silent and then launched into a passionate speech about how hiring a nanny wouldn’t necessarily make parenting easier. She predicted I might experience “mom guilt” and anxiety about leaving my baby with someone else, based on her own experiences. I hadn’t implied that hiring a nanny would magically solve all parenting challenges, but her defensive response included raising her voice.
I listened to her perspective, acknowledged her point of view, and reiterated my interest in having a nanny. She got quiet and I could tell she was annoyed but didn’t care. I was puzzled about why she felt compelled to respond this way. Perhaps it’s one of those situations where parents perceive childless individuals as rushing into decisions without fully grasping the complexities of parenting, but I’m uncertain. I also think that her situation with her child’s father at the time played a part in her response. She even mentioned how having an active father won’t significantly lighten the load of motherhood because it’s still “my child” at the end of the day. While I agree with her sentiment, I don’t understand why I have to be reminded about the downsides of motherhood when I didn’t ask.
Maybe my lack of parenthood experience prevents me from fully understanding why this topic can be irritating to some people.