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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/InterestingNote4 on 2023-09-14 03:32:15.

My husband and I have a 4 month old. Before he was born, we toured a few daycares, but ultimately decided to try to get through the first year of our baby’s life without childcare. We have flexible enough jobs that my husband could shift his work to 7:30am-3:30pm and I can work 3:30pm-6:30pm. I agreed to try to create a schedule where the baby is napping at 3:30 to ensure a smoother transition. This later became a request from my husband that he nap from 3:30 to 4pm so that he would have an opportunity to decompress. I have struggled to ensure this 100% of the time. In addition, the baby recently has been very cranky when he does wake up and my husband is finding him hard to console.

Previously, the baby had a blowout during my husband’s time and he noted that the diaper seemed loose. I made it a point to give him a tight diaper after that. Today, he had another blowout with my husband and he said the diaper seemed loose again. He showed that he typically puts it on much tighter and I acknowledged that I do not typically make it that tight and that I would in the future make it even tighter. He proceeded to tell me that he feels I am doing things that sabotage his time and leave him with an inconsolable baby.

I swore (and do believe) that I am working very hard to set him up for success (arranging his naps and feedings, holding him for naps earlier in the day to prevent him from being overtired, getting bottles and other supplies ready) but he does not believe me because I did not make the diaper tight enough.

I do not want to quit my job, but did bring up the option today. He told me that I should not and that he would expect me to continue to pay the bills if I did. But he also said the baby needs to be with me and that I there is an obvious answer. I keep trying to set realistic expectations with him about his time with the baby, but he feels there is more I can do to create a better experience. He does not want outside help and is adamant that we cannot do daycare until baby is a year old.