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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/maxrooni on 2023-09-14 05:19:55.
My (30M) wife (30F) and I have 4yo twins. We’ve been married 5 years.
My wife previously worked in MBB consulting, which was a lot of hours. The breaking point for me was when she had to take a work call that ended up being 3 hours during our sons’ birthday party. I let them open after we waited for her for 20 minutes because they wanted to open them. After they opened them, they pretty much just played with all their new toys with their cousin and the few friends we invited over. Wife gets off the call she’s upset that I let them open their presents and didn’t pause the birthday party for 3 hours.
We had a huge argument. I told her I can’t take her working a million hours a week anymore. She started there in January after she finished her MBA. Her hours at the previous firm were more reasonable but since she started MBB, it’s like she breathes work. We agreed that she’d try it and if it was too much we’d revisit it. I made it 7 months before I was like I’ve had enough of you barely being here anymore and you need to decide what is more important to you, work or your family. She was like we both work demanding hours. And I said no you work demanding hours, I’m home by 5PM every day, our boys can’t have two part time parents. She looked at me like I really hurt her feelings and I told her she needed to decide because I was approaching a point of burnout and feeling like I legitimately could walk away from all of this and take my kids with me if she’d rather be married to her job. She asked me if I was serious and I told her I was dead serious that I was willing to blow everything up if something didn’t change because I was that tired and our boys think that their mother is Ms. Kim (our babysitter for when I have a later meeting I can’t get out of, they had started calling her Mommy Kim which I never told her babout cause I just made them stop) and she told me she didn’t want to hear anymore.
Following day she submitted her resignation and was two weeks later was able to return to her boutique firm where the hours are solidly 9-5 but for less pay. She’s very resentful but I just couldn’t do it anymore.
Her previous just was $220K + bonuses. I make $150K. She now makes $150K as well but is home for dinner and can actually share in parenting. Having a pre tax household income of $300K at 30 isn’t the worst thing in the world but she’s moaning and groaning about it like she’s been asked to do something so unreasonable. When I mentioned it she said “you took something from me, and you’re upset that I miss the thing you took. It is going to take some time for me to get over that. But I’ll get over it.” So I’m giving her time and space.
AITA?
EDIT: Yes, there were mentions of how hard these hours were on me. I didn’t just go straight to 100, as many comments think or imply. It was just always deflection. I didn’t think I needed to detail every single instance of that here or that reasonable people would assume that there was no previous discussion. Before all of this occurred.