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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ShadowArtist161 on 2023-09-13 09:10:41.

My Mil claims everything about my son when it comes to how he looks. His hair color, eye color, shape of his nose, the way his ears stick out a little bit. Yeah, that apparently all came from her and her side of the family. If I take claim to anything she either ignores me, or tells me how im wrong.

I was thinking of getting a DNA test for my son so that we wouldn’t have to buy two separate tests for my husband and I, but I was also considering just getting the two tests so that we would have a definite answer as to what my side holds and what his does. There’s one heritage we definitely don’t share. I’m half Mexican. He’s white basically.

I tell my Mil and also I tell her how if we just get one for my son, there’s things that are obviously going to be from my family, but i kinda wanna know the percentages for the things that overlap.

My very much white MIL told me to not be so sure about where my son would get his Mexican genes from because she thinks she found something recently in her family history that leads to her having Mexican genes too. Or something like that. I was too angry to really listen.

I get claiming the other things, but to now claim a heritage that isn’t hers?! My grandfather taught me about his culture and I took it in as my heritage. Its a part of me that I’m proud of even if I get sh*t from some people when I tell them.

For her to try to claim it was the last straw. I blew up at her. I really don’t yell at people. She went completely silent as I yelled at her.

I told her how sick and tired I was of her trying to erase my involvement in MY son. That her trying to take claim to a heritage that she knows absolutely nothing about was my final straw. I no longer want to hear a word out of her mouth about what my son looks like unless it’s just to call him adorable. I no longer want to hear her pick specific things out about him. I told her that if she continues to do so, then she’s not allowed to see my son until I say so. I finished yelling at her and my husband stepped in and talked to her in a stern voice.

He told he what she didn’t wasn’t right and that he agrees with me. Including the part about her not seeing our son if she does it again. He also told he how he’s wanted to have a talk with her about this for a while, but how I told him not to since I really hate conflict.

She was silent for a moment, with a surprised look on her face. Then the crocodile tears started and she just sobbed and said that she didn’t mean anything by it and how could I be so cruel as to yell at her about something so small. Then she called me an asshole and left.

Since then, a couple people from her family have sent me messages calling me an asshole for being rude to her. I’m like 98% sure that they don’t know the actual story and when I did explain it to one person, they still said I was an asshole for blowing up at her over something small.

Is this a small issue? Was I really the asshole for yelling at her?

Edit: Okay, so maybe it was a little dumb of me to not put exactly what my MIL said that upset me because of the character limit. Instead I just put context.

She said “If the Mexican gene pops up it definitely wouldn’t be because of you.” And then she went on to talk about some very distant relative that may or may not exist.

She has said similar things about what he looks like, “this feature definitely didn’t come from you because (her or some relative of hers) has it”