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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Fawizzle33 on 2023-09-13 09:09:32.

I (F23) have been seeing this guy (M27) for a little over two months. We met on Tinder and instantly clicked - we slept together on our first date.

There were many green flags - he communicated his sexual preferences, his boundaries, he goes weekly to therapy and he’s a teacher in the school district he himself went to 10+ years ago. He’s very passionate about giving back to his community and from the very first date, his inclination to treat everyone with kindness and humanity struck out like a beautiful sore thumb.

What I liked most were his healthy reactions to whenever I expressed a feeling or fear - I never had to worry about if he’d get upset or wouldn’t understand. He’d always take a moment to try and see my POV.

We start to see each other once a week - he’s busy with school starting, his family and friends but I appreciate the fact that he’s making an effort to carve out time for me. We take turns commuting to each other since we live about 35 minutes apart.

Fast forward to our date last week - I come over and things get a little spicy before we get to even go out. He asks while he’s hitting it from behind if he can record - I feel safe with this person, he’s respected my boundaries thus far and I find him incredibly attractive. So I tell him yes, but only if my face isn’t in it, which isn’t too hard given the position. He happily agrees.

When he’s done filming while hitting me doggy, I notice that he sets his phone in a position and place that could still capture us if he were still recording. I brushed that thought away, we finished and went to dinner.

We came back and things started to heat up again - clothes started coming off and round 2 was imminent, but just before he entered me, I caught a glimpse of him setting his phone down in the same place and position as earlier with, you guessed it, the camera app open and recording. So I confronted him - and he sheepishly admitted that he was trying to film us again. I told him that wasn’t okay because 1) he didn’t ask and 2) that it violated my earlier terms because I know our full bodies (my face!) would have been captured. The mood killed, as I was leaving he offered to delete them, I wasn’t really able to speak.

I left, drove 40 minutes home crying on and off and covered in the overall feeling of being violated. This was the first time I had ever let anyone film me having sex, I trusted him and felt so comfortable with him. I actually saw something long term with this person. He sent me a slew of apology messages on my way home and I responded with how i was feeling and needed space and time to process. He mentioned that he was willing to delete all the videos and I replied that if he could still watch them and not feel shame for how he went about capturing them, then he deserves them. He said after that remark, he deleted them.

After being sad, I was also angry. The sense of entitlement that comes from filming without asking. The ridiculous answer he gave me that he put his phone in that position because he wanted to see “both of our bodies” even though I’m willing to bet my face was/is in it.

It always seems, especially with sex, you give them an inch, and they take a mile.