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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/LitlFox on 2023-09-12 21:40:30.

Sorry for the long post. I feel I need to give back story.

So Me (35F) and my ex (35M) had a daughter (11) together. He left me when she was 2 to be able to date a coworker. It was terrible at the time but I see it as a blessing now so water under the bridge I suppose.

But since this split, he slowly has come out of the picture. At first we split time evenly the first few years until he ended up buying a house with his inheritance that was a few hours away. Still not too far so we agreed she would stay with me (and my boyfriend) to go to school (she was 5 at this p oint) and he would see her every other weekend. This was fine the first few months then he slowly started making excuses to which it ended up being he would see her once every month or two.

The first summer after all of this, I asked if I can get some money for summer programs (to split) since my boyfriend and I had work. He made a big deal about me “wanting his money” and we ended up in an agreement where he would take her for half the summer so we would only need to pay for our half of summer care. Whatever, fine by me. Now fast forward to about a year ago.

He decided to sell his house and buy a new house the next state over. I found this out through my daughter. When I asked him about it, he said yes and that he’s moving in a couple weeks. Ok. I asked him what this meant for our daughter and him and he said it shouldn’t change how things currently are. (Splitting summers and taking her during half of Christmas break). I of course didn’t believe him but I said ok. This would require flying and he would have to fly with her since I’m not comfortable with her flying alone at this age. He agreed to this. Now there’s had been a few instances I asked him for money like for splitting a big medical bill or help with pay for after school activities and it’s always met with hostility. My now husband (same as boyfriend from earlier) had brought up child support back when he moved a few hours away and I just didn’t want to deal with the drama.

But now it has been a year since he moved out of state and he only saw her during Christmas last year. Didn’t contact me at all for summer. Hasn’t called his daughter since April so I felt at this point he really should at least be paying child support since he doesn’t contribute anywhere else in any way.

Well he got contacted recently about custody/child support and he’s livid with me. He’s trying to make me feel like I’m an AH and trying to take his money when we’re comfortable without him. While that may be true, that’s not the point at all in my opinion. Am I the AH?