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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Suitable-District-46 on 2023-09-12 16:58:56.

I f48 never wanted kids. I thought I married a man 48 with the same feelings. We had discussed bit in depth before we got serious much less married.

After five years of marriage he changed his mind. He wanted a child. I very much did not but I loved my husband and I agreed to adopt. So long as my husband agreed to be the stay at home parent because I have a great career and he works from home.

It took two years but we finally adopted a baby from my husband’s birth country. As planned my husband stayed home with our new son.

Everything went well for the first little while but then my husband said that we needed a nanny because working and having a child was difficult. No shit Sherlock.

That was the beginning of the end. Lots of fighting about child care. More about budgets. Even more about living with the consequences of our choices.

We divorced and my husband got custody and I pay child support.

I saw my son grow up and I loved him very much. We spent time together and I took him on holidays that I otherwise never would have taken.

When my son was 14 I got a sizable bonus at work. I talked to my accountant and lawyer and I paid the next four years of child support in a lump sum. My ex had some expenses and he needed money. He was also an amazing parent and I knew he was never going to not take good care of our son.

My ex took the money and used it to take care of his stuff.

When our son turned 16 he bought him a motorcycle. I thought it was a terrible idea but it wasn’t my call.

Long story short I was right. My son died and my ex was badly injured trying to reach him on a road trip on their motorcycles.

It has been six months and I approached my ex about getting the child support back because there is no child.

He called me heartless and an asshole for even thinking of the money right now. I left and put it all in my lawyer’s hands. My ex’s family is now bad-mouthing me to everyone for “expecting a refund”.

I don’t think I’m in the wrong but maybe I am.

AITA?