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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/chokedbyamango on 2023-09-12 10:40:40.

I snooped and found his pros and cons list a few hours after we made up. It broke my heart to find out that he thinks so little of me.

The list:

Pros

  1. Love her a lot
  2. Someone to spend time with
  3. Sex
  4. Someone to party with

Cons

  1. Childish
  2. No ambition
  3. Smokes
  4. Disregards my feelings
  5. Selfish
  6. Doesn’t eat certain meats
  7. Full of shit
  8. Sex
  9. Takes my focus off from work
  10. Takes more than she gives
  11. Bipolar
  12. Don’t see a future with her
  13. Don’t have the same values
  14. Cannot be the mother of my children
  15. Eats like shit
  16. Doesn’t exercise
  17. Sleeps all day
  18. Doesn’t do anything

For some context, I am his first. He had planned to wait until he was married, however after a few months he wanted to do it. I repeatedly asked him if he was sure, and he confirmed. He was also always the one to initiate. We are both university students. I used to smoke cigarettes but gradually stopped. His main issue is that I occasionally smoke weed, which he did not communicate during the fight that led to the breakup. He is extremely focused on his work since he is studying a very difficult degree.

I was not aware that he felt this way about me. I thought he understood that I stuggle to follow a sleep routine and that I hate getting up early. My classes allow me to sleep in, whereas he is up at 5am everyday, regardless of classes. I do not exercise, yet he tells me how pretty I am and that I’m skinny and jokes that he needs to fatten me up. I am lucky to be thin without having to exercise and I hate working out anyway. My “horrible eating” is skipping meals and eating McDonald’s whenever I can.

I have asked him in the past if there are any places where I can approve, and he said no. I even asked if he thought I was bipolar, and he said that I was just going through a hard time and having mood swings.

He did not communicate any of these with me, except for the smoking, which felt irrelevant to me since I had basically stopped without even trying to. I did not know that he felt like I took more than I gave. I thought I was giving my all. In terms of physical things, I give less since I hardly have money to do groceries most months. However emotionally I feel like I give more than enough.

During the fight, he said that he felt guilty everytime we had sex and that he threw all his values away, only to turn around and say that he is still in shock that it actually happened and not feeling guilty. We slept together the same night we made up, and I asked him multiple times if he was sure, because I obviously never want him to feel guilty or pressured.

He has always been extremely supportive, so this took me by surprise. He has never said any of these things to me. And now I’m wondering why he even wanted to try again if he feels this way about me.