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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ok-Industry567 on 2023-09-11 02:13:49.
6 years ago, myself and 3 of my brothers bought my sister a house to live in rent free. She has had issues with homelessness in the past and as she has lots of children it was important for us to give her a safe place to live. She lives there with four of her 9 kids. 3 of them are still minors (17M, 13F, 12M) but the fourth is her 28 year old autistic son. The house originally had four bedrooms but we renovated the basement to add 3 more a few years ago.
When we bought the house for her we had several stipulations including that once it was no longer possible for our autistic brother to live with our grandpa he would then live with her. At the time she agreed. She is already one of our brothers main caregivers and he spends a lot of time at her house.
A few weeks ago, our grandpa began discussing with my siblings and I about our brothers living situation. Grandpa’s almost 90 now and feels as though he can no longer cope with our brother.
One of my brothers visited our sister last week and mentioned about our brother moving in with her and she told him that maybe we should discuss other plans for his living arrangements (essentially with one of us or in a home). My brother left the conversation there but later let me know what she said.
I called her and she explained she doesn’t think her autistic son and our autistic brother should be living together because they clash a little and have different needs.
It’s true they don’t always like each other and I myself have seen the meltdowns they have sent each other into. But they have both adjusted to things we previously thought they wouldn’t in the past and they would probably get used to each others presence in the long run. 95% of the time they get on fine it’s only when they both can’t get their way that they freak out. I think they benefit from being around each other as they both have to grow a little.
They also do actually like each others company some of the time and have lots of positive interactions. My sister doesn’t even want to consider a trial run of bro living with her and is basically giving a flat out no. If we tried it and it didn’t work we could find a different solution, but it feels like she’s just making excuses.
I did bring up our previous agreement and she practically called my bluff implying she doesn’t think I would kick her out because of the her kids living with her. I told her I would.
Several of my siblings did not like that I said this (even though I was bluffing a little) and my other sister just generally thinks we’re cruel for trying to “force” her into taking our brother (but didn’t offer to take him herself). For various reasons none of our other siblings can really house/care for him. She knows how to look after him, has the space, has the time (doesn’t work), and is probably the only other person he would happily live with. AITA for expecting her to live up to our deal so our brother doesn’t have to move into a home?