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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/OkUniversity5766 on 2023-09-10 16:23:39.
My (M/26) fiancé (F/24) can’t drive because she has a chronic illness that prevents her from obtaining a license. We have been together for 7 years and I’ve been the solo driver for all of these 7 years. Never once have I asked her to pay for fuel, insurance, upkeep or repairs. She’s from a well off family and gets financial help from her parents while I have to work and pay for everything out of my own pocket since my parents can’t afford to help me out.
She just finished her masters and started working her first job last week. Since there’s no public transportation, I get up 2 hours before I regularly have to, and drive her to work, it’s around 45 minutes each way. I had to change my insurance policy to include the extra distance driven and my rate has shot up by 70% due to this.
I did extensive math to calculate the fuel consumption, extra maintenance costs and insurance costs and explained everything to her. We had a verbal agreement that she’d pay for 75% of monthly fuel costs (because my job is 80% home office and I only use the car for grocery shopping or trips together outside of that), 50% of the insurance costs, and 50% of any upcoming maintenance or repair costs.
I believe that this is entirely reasonable because I never asked her for any money in the 7 years I drove her around, and because 80% of my car use from now will be getting her to work.
Then, she went to her parents place to get some cash because I asked her to pay back the insurance, a tank of fuel, and some extra cash because inspection is due this month. She sent me a text to the tune of “My parents are furious and won’t pay for your car insurance” and “They said it’s your car and clearly you offered to drive me to work” aswell as “So I’m sorry but I can only give you $ x.”
I replied with “Well I don’t understand it really, because A I didn’t offer it, it was basically universally expected for me to do that, B you earn your own money now, so why don’t YOU pay it out of your own pocket, and C, don’t bother with paying for it, I don’t want to get you in trouble or get myself in trouble with my in-laws to be, but don’t come whining when we’ll just spend the weekends at home because all of my spending money goes towards car expenses.” She then called me an asshole and a gold digger via text and told me she’ll be back for dinner to talk this out.
Talk it out we did, and what I got from it is that she thinks it’s unfair that she (psychologist in training) earns as much as I do (side job IT) while working more hours and that she believes she’s entitled to a better living standard due to a more complex education, and that $250 in fuel and $70 in insurance each month would cut into her spending money. I told her that’s tough luck but it’s how the world works, and to stop complaining because in just a few years, she’ll out-earn me by like 4x. She’s still mad at me. AITA?
Tl;dr: Driving fiancé to work, she doesn’t want to pay out of her spending money, drama ensues