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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ok-Bake-9384 on 2023-09-10 16:38:09.
I [33F] have a daughter [10F] who I will call Alice. Alice has autism and sometimes acts in a way that looks “strange” to other kids who don’t have autism. For example, Alice doesn’t find it easy to make friends, she will usually sit by herself reading or pace around the playground by herself at lunchtimes. The kids in her class are fine with this, they often ask if she wants to join in with their conversations and games, but always respect it if she says she would rather be left alone.
All except one girl, who I will call Sarah [9F], she started at Alices school about a week ago and has been making fun of her since. Sarah has made fun of Alice for stuff like sitting alone at break and wearing ear defenders sometimes in loud lessons like PE. I spoke to the school after Alice came home in tears and they said they would have a talk with her, in the end they gave her a 5 minute detention, however Sarah was not stopping.
I spoke to Alice and said to her that while we should try to be respectful to everyone, if someone is being rude to you like Sarah is then it would be fine if she wanted to stand up for herself. She said she was scared of getting in trouble but I said I wouldn’t let that happen.
Alice is a very picky eater due to her autism, as a result she is quite small and skinny, whereas Sarah is quite large. At lunch she began eating her lunch when Sarah made fun of her, shaming her for eating the same thing everyday and calling her “skeleton”. Alice responded to this by calling Sarah a “stupid bully” and asking her to stop. When Sarah wouldn’t stop Alice called her a “fat pig” and said “you never stop eating”. Apparently people began to laugh at Sarah and she got upset and left the lunch hall crying.
Me and Sarah’s mother were both called in as a result, I said my daughter is allowed to stand up for herself, especially if the school and Sarah’s mother isn’t going to stop it. Sarah’s mother said my daughter had bodyshamed Sarah and that Sarah is a kid and it makes sense she would comment on something she didn’t understand.
Alice’s teacher decided on the following solution, Sarah and Alice would both have a 10 minute detention for insults, and if either one of them made a comment to the other one from that point on the teacher would give that person a detention instantly, no warning. Sarah’s mother reluctantly agreed but I flat out refused. The teacher said I was being “difficult” and Sarah’s mother called me an AH on the schools whatsapp group (don’t know why she brought it up there)
I think I am in the right, my husband agrees with my decision, Alice shouldn’t learn to just take abuse, sure bodyshaming wasn’t nice but it was justified completely in my eyes, but now I am wondering AITA?