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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/redflavor__ on 2023-09-07 18:41:33.

i’m also convinced he’s a narcissist. i used to think that somewhere along the line his true self came out and the indoctrination got to him but looking back there was loads of red flags that i missed. i thought i’d be useful to post some of them so you girls know what to look out for.

also context: i am a bisexual girl, i like both men and women and before getting together with him i have engaged with both but never had a relationship or sex with anyone (this is relevant). i honestly had no idea what a relationship between a man and woman should look like before i met him (i never had much interest in relationships).

  • he has been sleeping around quite a bit before meeting me and was very honest about it, i didn’t really care, he took a STD test before we slept together so it was all good and safe. he honestly saw this as some type of accomplishment and used to brag to me about it, until i told him that this really doesn’t impress me and while i’m all for both men and women having fun and fully support it, i didn’t see this as something to be proud of, especially when we’re just getting to know each other with the hopes of this making me “respect him more”. he couldn’t wrap his head around it. he also said that girls who sleep around are hoes but guys aren’t. he said “it’s different”. i ALWAYS challenged him to the point he didn’t know what to respond to me.
  • said that he doesn’t want to do anything with my friends and doesn’t want to meet them. claimed that friends (the girls only ofc) are always creating problems in relationships and are a bad influence.
  • he was very into “bettering his mindset” and other “self-help” stuff for guys that is all over tiktok these days and in majority is just a load of toxic masculinity. he ended up being an andrew tate follower and apologist later on. i honestly think that if a guy is on the “mindset” side of tiktok, it can be massive red flag because i personally found out that the line between that and becoming a redpiller and tate follower is extremely thin. he used to show me those videos and it was such a massive load of bs i had a hard time believing that so many young men believe in it.
  • adding to the previous point, he was also lowkey addicted to social media and took everything he saw on there literally. especially those girlfriend/boyfriend tiktoks he used to watch. e.g. he would see something about “woman is supposed to be a man’s peace and comfort” and would quote that if i was being upset and “difficult”, with serious disbelief and shock. social media has completely brain washed him.
  • when i came to sleep over at his place, he asked me to change his bedsheets for him. that was maybe our fourth or fifth date. i refused. he then started saying that “i don’t like doing things for him” and that “i don’t listen to him”, to which i vividly remember that i responded “why would i listen to you? i’m my own person” and he didn’t know what to say. he also said that i’m “stubborn”.
  • he would constantly say that he’s the best i’ll ever have and that i should be so lucky to be with him.
  • when i called him out that he’s sexist he said he isn’t and that he’s just “stating facts”.
  • i think this is a very simple one but a very important one: he kept commenting on the clothes i wear, tried to make me dress up when i would come over to his place to sleepover, just so he could stare at me. i never really did it and he kept demanding it. i think any sort of policing or ever questioning your outfit choices can escalate. in my case he ended up rage crying because i wore a dress to my friend’s graduation but i never “wore it for him”. or that i was “showing more skin with my friends than with him”. friends and my clothes have always been a major issue.
  • he expected me to clean his place and do other chores for him, while we didn’t live together. he adapted the “traditional relationship” mindset a couple of months after we started dating. according to his theory men were supposed to provide for women and women take care of the house which DIND’T MAKE SENSE, because as i said we lived separately. he wasn’t providing anything for me except lifts (sometimes). i had a part time job (we’re students) while he didn’t. i told him many times that even if we were to apply this dynamic, it’s not possible in our current situation in any shape of form. he kept pushing for it to the point i was being pressured and manipulated to basically be his maid and if i refused i would get emotionally abused. you guys, it all starts with social media. at that point he went off the deep end and there was no way of getting through to him. i believe he had narcissistic tendencies but getting into the andrew tate and redpill ends of the internet truly fueled the abuse that was about to come.
  • honestly any type of comment about “what women should be doing” is a massive no. as i said, he ended up being a massive misogynist.
  • calling women bitches and hoes!!!

i’m still trying to give myself grace and time to process how all of this happened to me. now looking back the signs were literally in my face but i honestly didn’t know better. i was humiliated, dehumanised and objectified. as you can see at first i was quite a confrontational person and i was standing up to him but he slowly broke me. i honestly feel like this might have been what attracted him to me, he wanted to break me and make me weak and dependent on him.

he also broke up with me multiple times but would never truly leave me alone with made me develop severe anxiety but ever since i left i haven’t had any major issues with anxiety, AT ALL. and funnily enough he always expected me to stay in contact with him after he dumped me, but once i told him it’s over he made me to be this horrible heartless person and went ghost on me. breaking up with him is my fault of course.

please, if you ever have a funny gut feeling when you start seeing someone, listen to yourself. i ignored all of them and ended up in a year long battle not only with him, but with myself. i was always the person that would tell their friends to dump their shitty boyfriends and myself from two years ago would never believe all of this happened. please be careful.