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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ThrowRAlyingdaughter on 2023-09-06 10:00:50.
Sorry, English is not my first language
My (52F) Daughter (23F - A) has a boyfriend (24M - T), we’ve (my husband and I) been told by many people that they are dating including some of their old school friends. However they both continue to deny it and we’re getting sick of it. A few weeks ago T joined us for dinner at our home, our family (My two sons) couldn’t help but express their curiosity and excitement. They eagerly asked questions like, “Are you going to get married?” and “When did you start dating again, was it in high school?”, My husband and I didn’t get involved too much but we did ask a few questions about if they were planning on moving in together and such, trying to be supportive of them both. Both of them continuously denied dating every time they were asked, but we all know they are but we choose not to engage in their denial.
When T left for the night, A approached me, visibly frustrated, and told me in no uncertain terms to stop saying that she and T were dating. In that moment, my emotions were a whirlwind. On one hand, I understood her desire for privacy, but on the other, I wanted to maintain an open and honest line of communication with my daughter.The truth is, it’s abundantly clear to anyone paying attention that A and T are in a relationship. They see each other almost every week, they’re constantly calling and texting, and multiple people have confirmed to us that they are dating. If they can share this information with their friends, why can’t they tell us?So, I responded by saying, “I don’t care who you choose to date, but please stop lying to me about it.” I firmly believed that honesty was crucial for our mother-daughter relationship, and I wanted to support her choices, whatever they may be.However, the situation took a sharp turn from there. A was clearly upset and didn’t appreciate my response. She called me an a**hole and left without saying another word, leaving me in a state of shock and confusion.Now, Reddit, I’m left wondering if I handled the situation poorly. Did I cross a line by confronting my daughter about her relationship and insisting on honesty, even though it led to such a hurtful exchange? AITA?
Edit: If I talk with my daughter will that help?