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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/NimbusLich on 2023-09-05 23:49:00.
I, 32 year old female and my fiancé, 31 year old female, come very different backgrounds.
She was raised with a great amount of wealth, privilege, and afforded every opportunity in life. She has been loved and dotted on for every accomplishment and birthday.
I, on the other hand, have not. I am one of a flock of children. Last I checked I’m one of twenty; however, I was kicked out as a teen because I came out as a lesbian and wanting to go to college. Birthdays of mine were never really celebrated or acknowledged.
And this is why I am TERRIBLE at receiving gifts.
Fast forward to now: I have several degrees, I am very well off with a thriving career, I bought this beautiful estate in a major city for my fiancé and I, and I am just now starting to love being spoiled with gifts and attention after many years of therapy.
We have been in couple’s therapy for the past year leading up to our wedding to make sure we have a strong base for marriage and our communication is healthy.
Last night, my fiancé gave me my birthday gift and it was a porcelain travel mug with a very big box of fancy tea. It honestly felt like something you’d give to an aunt you don’t know very well, but you know they like tea so you ride with that. This is also the exact same gift I have been given to me before. She also is having her parents in town for my entire birthday week, who dislike me for “making” their daughter a lesbian and are just now getting past that after us being together for five years. They are going to be here this evening for my actual birthday and requested we go out for dinner, but with the stipulation it not be a vegan place because “they want options too” even though we are vegan and that means I am not going to get exactly the kind of food I would hope for.
My friend had given me the gift of brunch and a thrift shopping spree and I had been excited and given her a hug. My fiancé piped in to ask why I wasn’t this enthusiastic when she gave me her gift and I said, “Honestly, it didn’t feel like a very thoughtful gift, it felt like the kind your dad would get your mother.”
For context: Every year her dad gets her mom a piece of jewelry and takes her out to dinner for her birthday and does the same for their anniversary. It really bothers my fiancé because she knows her mother doesn’t like it or feels special and wishes her mom would just tell her dad that. But her mom knows it would only hurt his ego and doesn’t think it is worth mentioning.
I figure since this is something we’ve talked about it would be a very fast way to clue her in on the gift and the feeling I am having. I sincerely am not concerned about the amount of money she spends, only the effort.
My fiancé unleashes a wave of angry tears. She couldn’t believe I compared her to her father as he hasn’t always been the best, so I did apologize for saying that. The whole night turned into me consoling her and affirming I love her.