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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Zealousideal_Wear214 on 2023-09-05 20:47:48.
My (41m) wife (39f) has been working part time for the past 9 years since she gave birth to our first child. We’ve since had two more children for a total of 3, and our youngest will be starting school full time, Monday to Friday, 8:45 to 15:15.
During the past 9 years, my wife has been working 3 days a week, apart from the times she was on maternity leave (which was for a year after each child). This was what she wanted as she wanted more time with the kids, which I fully supported.
During the three days a week that she worked, I did the school run in the morning and got the kids ready and prepared their lunch (my mother did the afternoon school/nursery pick ups). The two days a week she was off, I also got the kids ready (the girls preferred the way I comb their hair and iron their clothes) while my wife prepared their lunches and did the school/nursery run in the morning and afternoon.
Since Covid, our work is mostly WFH, we go in once a week each, meaning that we’re always available for the school and nursery run which we share about 60/40 (with my wife doing the 60).
My youngest has been at nursery 4 days a week with my wife working 3. Meaning she has one day a week free, she usually uses this time to meet a friend, go out, or do something for herself. She has the youngest with her on Friday and she’ll make plans or have time at home. I’ll usually work from the office on a Thursday or Friday depending what suits.
Our youngest will be starting school in September and I mentioned to my wife it would be good to have a two income household again as I can take a step back from consulting and find a 9-5 that would be less stressful for me.
She absolutely lost it, started shouting at me asking, how could I be so selfish. After she calmed down she told me she wanted the Thursday and Friday as time for herself. I said that’s fine if I can have Saturday for myself, which she didn’t like. I explained how consulting has been a strain for me, which she’s already aware of as I’ve been talking her how stressful it has been for almost 9 years.
She’s not happy with me and has said I’m being inconsiderate and she wants time for herself.
We share almost everything when it comes to looking after the kids, some days she does more, especially the days she off, but the days we’re both working, I do more.
So, AITA, should I have been more considerate towards my wife and not assumed she would have been going back to work full time.