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The original was posted on /r/cfb by /u/usffan on 2025-05-25 22:37:41+00:00.
The cumulative link to the preseason rankings can be found here.
Dearest Mother,
Word has arrived at the front that our Stanford (high = 69, low = 115) unit has been designated the 90th in the Union, and the least likely unit conceivable that could capture the Atlantic Coast. This accursed evaluation was ill received, and General Troy Taylor has been relieved of his command. Lieutenant General Frank Reich has been appointed as the temporary steward of our fates as we attempt to reconnoiter our position in this wretched field of battle. My neck beard quivers at the prospect of following a leader with no experience in this type of engagement, especially since in the last year, the only troops that performed worse than us on the battlefield were a tribe from the State of Florida. We have lost many soldiers due to the low morale, with several leaders such as Ashton Daniels seeking new quarters in the deep Southeast while Bachmeiers who fought like Bears and Tigers found religious refuge in the Utah territory. Enlisting new recruits has proven to be a challenge, either for those signing up fresh or those coming in from other units. In all cases, we are below a dozen of our fellow units trying to achieve Atlantic glory. While Lieutenant General Reich has tried to lift spirits with the promise of a trip to an island in the Pacific before we engage with our orders to attack, I fear that the forecast is as bleak as a pot of possum stew. I find myself overwrought.
- Andrew